This is a bonus post in the series of The Three Behaviors that you must show to attract women and enjoy successful relationships with them:
- Behavior 1 —Confidence. The 11 Traits of The Alpha Male.
- Behavior 2 —Protection. How to Attract Women by Being Protective.
- Behavior 3 —Making her feel sexually desired and awaken her sexual instinct.
In this final post we’ll integrate The Three Behaviors so you can deeply understand how these flow throughout the Levels of Intimacy you have with the girl.
The Three Behaviors with the Levels of Intimacy create the whole that is The Core of Attraction, the amazingly simple framework that I hammer away so much because it gives you the power to naturally put your love and sex life life under control.
Where You Are Now
We want more intimacy with women. I’m not talking about a specific crush (attraction killer.) I’m just broadly talking about attracting women and being able to get intimacy, love and of course, hot sex too.
Imagine that intention of getting intimacy is a video game. You control the main character.
With the exception of a few (of your family, friends, etc.) you are at level zero with all women.
For example, take that super-hot blonde cashier at the local supermarket. Or that busty brunette you see on the train home so often. You only exchange a few words here and there:
— “it’s 11.50, please.”
— “excuse me, this is my stop, could you please…”
Those may be the kind of short, meaningless interactions you have with those girls. In other words, zero intimacy.
If you are a creepy over-user of Behavior 3 because you don’t know how The Core of Attraction works, you may try to push a forced smile or a weird stare into her eyes because you feel that would create more connection. You’re here to correct that, obviously.
Where You Want to Get
What you want is to turn that “it’s 11.50, please” into “You’re the love of my life“, or at least, into “oh, yesss, harder!” That’s your choice. If you want to get the “oh, yesss, harder!” from just one or from seven different women every week, is also your choice.
But my point is, the character in the video game starts at zero intimacy with those potential women. And you want to get to high levels of intimacy.
The Three Behaviors are the buttons you push.
They are the interface between your intention to win the game and your actual wins.
When you push the right buttons at the right time you get to new levels of intimacy, love and sex. We already saw what the buttons are. Now let’s see when to push them.
A Key Notion
I like the video-game analogy to explain these ideas, but sometimes we see games as a challenge. As a triumph over adversity and scarcity of resources. That’s actually exactly the opposite of what is happening here.
You’re not playing in Legendary-Hard level. This game is Preschool-Easy. Legendary-Hard is getting a foursome with three supermodels. In other words:
I’m talking about how to make a girl attracted to you but keep in mind, in this video-game you have literally millions of options to level up your intimacy with. That is, millions of women. That does not mean that because there are a lot, you can do nothing and they will somehow come to you. You have to be active in playing the game. You have to approach, you have to interact. But it’s not a forced gameplay because of fear.
➔ Being totally relaxed is both recommended because there’s no need to, and required because it creates attraction.
The good news is, there are so many available women that you can be totally relaxed about getting or not getting one particular girl.
I can assure you I can get the worst socially awkward and afraid-of-women virgin and get him a one-night stand just by trying. There is such abundance of women that overkill mode can do just that. So you better start thinking that way!
But I’m not saying do overkill. I assume you want quality women. I’m just pointing out that this attraction game happens in an immensely abundant field.
In this abundant field, an active, relaxed, fun and confident application of The Three Behaviors will get you to higher levels of intimacy with all those women:
- You don’t know her.
- You approach —or are introduced— and meet her.
- Chatting and friendly joking.
- Having a deep —but fun— conversation to know each other better.
- Touching with no sexual purpose.
- Hugging or affectionate kissing —good friends.
- Sweet, affectionate kisses on the mouth —more than friends.
- Sexual passionate kissing.
- Light sexual practices.
- Couple —stable boyfriend and girlfriend.
If you really are at zero intimacy with 99% of women, give it at least a few weeks to accustom yourself to the gameplay. Once you do, you’ll see you can level up that list extremely fast. Not by forcing it, but by pushing The Three Behaviors buttons at the right time.
* NOTE: the levels of intimacy list above is just an approximation. Don’t learn it as dogma because it isn’t. Depending on many factors like culture or the specific needs of the girl, those change.
E.g. a Christian couple may not have sex until marriage. Or you may know the girl for years. The point of such a list is to make you aware of the growing intimacy. Even though it’s a continuum, there’s this “level” perception in which every level contains the previous ones but not yet the next ones.
For example it’s really weird to hold the arm of a stranger. Or it’s usually weird to try and have a deep conversation with the friend of a friend you just met. First you have to chat a bit, right? The good news: the growing intimacy is something you control.
What Most Guys Do (and Why They Fail)
Most guys are at zero intimacy with most girls and they just ask how can they get their crush. Again, “how can I get my crush” is an attraction killer because your overall vibe is neediness and fear of loss.
Secondly, they see their relationship as zero/one. I’m with her/I’m not with her.
How can I go from 0 to 1?
It’s not 0 to 1! It’s 1 to 7 or 0 to 11. Everyone has an intuitive reading of his/her intimacy with another person. For some reason most guys ignore how important it is.
Even if you escalate very fast, you have to go step by step!
So I’m going to give you a formula to use The Three Behaviors, loose that neediness and fear mindset and level up easily and quickly.
Grow The Three Behaviors
The first step if you want to know how to make a girl attracted to you is knowing that The Three Behaviors should be proportional to your intimacy with her.
The higher the level of intimacy, the stronger she has to perceive The Three Behaviors.
It’s not that you try to hide or push things as you get more intimate. Your behavior to you should be consistent. But her perception of The Three Behaviors grows stronger.
For example, take Behavior 1 which is related to your value as a man. Your personality is consistent, but at first she knows very little about you. As she gets to know you, she discovers that courageous thing you did. She discovers that you’re so successful in this area. She discovers that you can lose interest in her if she’s disrespectful, even if you two already have great intimacy.
Take Behavior 2. She will see that at first you don’t overdo protection. You don’t shower her with gifts. You just pay her the same romantic attention you do with everybody else. But you do lose more time of your life to make her life easier as the intimacy grows (because she naturally does the same for you.)
Take Behavior 3. Even though your sexual intention should always be clear. At the beginning you are more subtle. Maybe you joke a bit. There’s some forwardness in meeting her. Then you grow to compliments. Then more sexual compliments. Then clearly stating your romantic and sexual interest. Then kissing her. Then having sex. Etc.
I encourage you to go to the previous posts of this series and think how each one of The Three Behaviors grows stronger. Don’t hesitate to ask here or in the comments.
What if you are afraid of showing your sexual interest? Or what if you showed too much sexual interest when you barely knew her? What if you were a bit of an insecure pushover? What if you tried to buy her with gifts?
That will result in unbalanced behaviors and you will get different undesired results. I encourage you to read the Girl-Human Translator post to see where each unbalance leads.
In short, when it comes to having a sexual and romantic relationship, you will only be able to advance to the level of the weakest behavior. For example if you show Behaviors 1 and 2 but neglect 3, she will friendzone you. The only sex you will get may be a blushed “thank you” if you courageously pull off a compliment.
Now, this is not math. You don’t have to think: “Oh crap, I showed Behavior 2 three times but only did two sexual compliments!”
She isn’t going to tell you: “OK you showed the right amount of sexual forwardness.” But if you clearly stated your sexual interest e.g. with a couple of bold compliments, then that part is done.
But your perception may not be hers. You may think it’s enough but you did too little or too much.
The good news is, you get feedback from her behavior. This will make your life extremely easy:
When and How to Level Up
What you are about to learn is a key concept that revolutionized my life. At first I didn’t give it enough credit, but it’s one of the basis for my success.
I explain this in my premium posts but I’m going to share it with you now.
As we saw, most guys think of their intimacy as 0-1. They either are with or without the girl. But you know intimacy is a continuum. Intimacy is a mountain that you can climb. The higher you climb, the more intimacy you get.
➔ The implications of this are huge. This means you can keep trying ad infinitum until she accepts your advance.
That’s why you see these “heroic” feats of the guy pursuing his princess for months, rejection after rejection, until he gets her.
Of course, you don’t want to try for years until you get one kiss from a girl that may not even be good for you. You have an immense game with virtually infinite girls to level up your intimacy. You want to be effective to control your love life.
➔ But in practice, this means you can screw up your attempt to level up, and just try again at least a few times.
This makes your life way easier because until you get to that high effectiveness, you can screw up here and there and still get results.
A simple process
I’ve condensed the intimacy process in this diagram that shows how easy it is to seduce women:
As you see, it shows the advance between two levels of intimacy. You just have to repeat it!
I’ll go over the different paths with you:
You are in a certain level. For instance, you are now in the “I hug her when I see her” level. This is just an example considering a girl you repeatedly see. The next step would be kissing her. If you try that on a date or not is irrelevant —because the important factor is the intimacy.
So you ask yourself: “am I showing all Three Behaviors? Are they balanced?” Your gut feeling says they are. But even if you’re not sure, the next step is asking yourself: “Is she clearly comfortable at the current level?” She is in fact comfortable, so you level up your intimacy. You kiss her. That’s it! You are at a new level. And the process begins again towards the new level.
But how do you actually level your intimacy up to the next level?
In this case, kissing her.
Now, what if she’s not comfortable? That is because the new level isn’t solidified yet or because there’s an unbalance in The Three Behaviors. So as the diagram shows, you just relax, think how to balance The Three Behaviors and do just that.
And what if you try to introduce the new level but she rejects your advance? For example, because she’s still testing your confidence, or because she wasn’t comfortable in certain social situation. Then you just go to the first step and keep acting normal, think how to balance The Three Behaviors and do just that.
You don’t have to act weird. Girls are used to that. You do not go back to zero intimacy, you are still at the same level!
Isn’t this amazing?
Now you have a very simple, super-fast linear process to attract women and grow your intimacy. When something goes wrong you just have to go back to start (without losing your intimacy,) keep The Three Behaviors even and try again.
So, how motivated are you now to start changing your sex and love life? Don’t hesitate to subscribe and ask me your questions.