You see her every day. She’s hot. She’s pretty. She’s gorgeous. Very nice to you. You don’t really know if she likes you, but you hope she did. You may think you want her just for sex. Or you’re in love with her. You even joked around with your friends about you kinda sorta liking her…
But no matter the case, deep inside you’re constantly thinking about her, every day.
She’s your crush.
I know it firsthand. I even hate to remember this. For instance, I remember one evening I spent like 4 hours on bed, looking at the ceiling, thinking the best way to talk to that girl who looked at me so intensely.
In this post I’m going to show you step-by-step what you need to do to attract her and level up with her.
But also, I’m going to tell you an uncomfortable truth that most guys don’t want to hear.
Ironically, knowing this truth will put you in the position to attract her.
The Uncomfortable Truth About Having a Crush
If you’re an avid reader of my posts, you already are familiar with this:
But Dani, my love for her is so deep that it will take us together to Pandora and back. She won’t get that from another man.
But Dani, I cry myself to sleep looking at the Moon and thinking of her. Isn’t that romantic?
But Dani, I know you give solid advice, but I want to wipe my ass with it and defy logic and biology and everything. It’s just who I am.
Look… I’m not criticizing these things. If it makes you happy to cry for the beautiful love you have with a girl, then do so. But if you want to attract the girl, you have to balance such romanticism —a huge Behavior 2— with A LOT of Behaviors 1 and 3. I won’t get into detail here because I’ve covered that in the How to Level Up article. Let’s call that The Crazy Hero Approach.
If you’re just the typical infatuated guy who has a huge crush and does nothing about it, you can’t ignore this.
A huge crush kills attraction because you relinquish control. The girl controls you. She decides your fate. And that is not attractive to women.
Unless you think of yourself as a very feminine man who likes very dominant women, that is exactly the opposite of what you want.
If you think of yourself as an actively heterosexual man who likes beautiful feminine women, you have to understand this and act accordingly.
But am I saying forget about your crush?
No. I’m just saying you have to relax that intensity. You have to gain bird’s-eye view of your situation so you can follow The Three Behaviors to-the-letter.
But yesterday, today… She’s constantly in your mind. She’s out having fun, laughing with her friends, she’s getting banged by one of her fuckbuddies, she’s getting it good… yet she’s constantly adoring you —in your mind.
So how on Earth do you stop this crush from deciding your fate?
Close The Crush Loop
Most people will give you advice like this: let’s go out and meet women, that’ll get your mind off of her; you shouldn’t look at her now; don’t laugh at what she says; you’re looking at her like a puppy, don’t do that; do this; do that…
While well-intentioned, that’s crap.
I’m going to shed some light into the situation to elevate you to that bird’s-eye view and get above the problem.
Once you get above the problem, it doesn’t affect you anymore. It’s not something you fight against. It simply isn’t there.
You don’t have to pretend you are not interested in her —you probably are, just like you are attracted to other hot and nice girls. But you gain a new higher level of consciousness and understanding where the problem does not exists.
Then you can go out and meet other women. You naturally get your mind off of her.
So how do you raise to that level? Understand this:
➔ This crush on her is an open loop in your mind. (I wanted to write unclosed loop but didn’t risk it 🙂 .)
When you want something, your mind starts working to get it. It “opens a loop” that you close when you achieve that goal. Until you close it, your subconscious mind puts a lot of energy into that goal. That is good, actually.
The problem is, the loops open for important and unimportant stuff —like a life partner or losing time to finish a crappy movie just to finish it.
Our starting point as heterosexual men is liking women and wanting to date them, fuck them, etc. The more desperately you need women because you don’t have them, the stronger you focus on the few girls that seem nice to you. If you interact with one in particular that seems just a little bit more interested, a women-seeking loop opens. From that point on, you start to put more and more energy into getting her. But since you didn’t have the knowledge or experience to hit on her successfully, all that work happens only in your mind. Now you start getting close to the insane zone. You put so much energy thinking about the gap between your current relationship and the relationship you want, that you only reinforce that gap.
You obsess about her to the point where getting together with her is so important that you are afraid of her reaction if you try.
That is the insane zone, where your mindset focuses on AND keeps you from getting that girl at the same time.
➔ Where are you in that process? No matter if you already are in the insane zone or not yet, you have to avoid that loop.
I was once in the insane zone. I’m explaining this for you to raise your consciousness and gain the power to change your subconscious behavior.
Let’s take you casually talk to Jennifer. She is hot. Probably the type of girl you like. I mean, she objectively has qualities you like in women. But one day, she looks at you with a sweet smile when you make a joke.
Your current need of emptying your balls and your lack of stimuli from other women makes you start focusing on Jennifer at 50%. You are still a sane person who can act normal around hot girls, but that greater focus makes her a bit nicer to you. That only makes you more attracted to her. You get closer and closer to 100% focus on her. From that point on, you start entering the insanity zone where you can’t close the loop. You start to do weird things like getting nervous when there’s no need to, or avoiding her at times.
You reach a point where, unless you take action on an article like this one, you get into a very dark and deep zone in your mind.
But that’s not the only bad thing about it.
By fixating on your crush, you are reinforcing the scarcity you felt before.
You focused on your crush because having so few women in your life caused a neediness mindset. Aggravating that crush, only creates more scarcity. Only that woman exists. She becomes the bringer of happiness. The light of your darkness. The ointment for your wound. 🙂
Unless you take a vacation away where you open many loops to beautiful women in a different environment to use The Core of Attraction with, you stay in your uncomfortable comfort zone. There you only get weirder and weirder until you reach a critical point you don’t want to reach.
But there’s even more bad stuff.
She probably doesn’t know about this, but the moment she interacts with you, she will start to see that she has SO MUCH power over you. Remember that willingness to let her go is one of the pillars of Behavior 1 to attract women. To sum up: she won’t be attracted to you.
I’ve covered that in my last article on How to Approach Women. If you give her all the power to decide if she wants a relationship with you (instead of just attracting her naturally) she won’t.
So there you have it:
Desperation and need => one girl opens a loop => she becomes your goddess and she has no clue => she has so much power over you that she is not attracted => you reach a point where you can not close the loop => down and down in neediness and desperation.
I hope by gaining this bird-eye-view, now you’re ready to crush your crush. It’s the first step to free yourself and be able to attract women like a beast.
The Good Thing About That Crush
If you are deep in The Crush, there’s a good thing you can use to change your situation.
I mentioned The Crazy Hero approach, where your love is so intense that you go overboard in your attempt to get her to be with you.
That —correctly done— needs you display exaggerated Behaviors 1, 2 and 3.
The bad way to do that is just displaying Behavior 2 and love her but still being a pussy to show Behaviors 1 and 3.
But whatever the case, there’s a common trait: intensity.
If you recognize that intensity of thought for her, or at least can imagine how you would act, you can re-channel that intensity to improve yourself and do what’s right.
I strongly recommend you visualize yourself correctly using The Three Behaviors (with many girls) every day for 15 minutes.
How to Get My Crush to Like Me
NOW that you have the correct mindset about having a crush, I dare to teach you how to attract that girl.
I teach you this because I know you will not pay her more attention and time in your mind than she deserves, right?
By now you should know why that is important —critical.
I just teach you this because she probably likes you and has some interest. I hope it’s not all in your mind. But instead of hoping, check the typical signs of interest from women.
So we are not talking about How to get my crush to like me. Instead, we’ll be talking about How to get a girl that I like just as I like other girls, who probably is a bit into me. 😉
We’ll be talking about your
Check your past behavior against The Core of Attraction. What have you done wrong?
Specifically, what Behaviors have you shown too much or too little? What is your current level of intimacy with her?
My bet is you are at a low level of intimacy but you think it is a higher one. That is because you have shown too much Behavior 2 and fell short of Behavior 3 (too much romanticism, very little sexual forwardness or none of it.)
So what did you do right? What can be improved?
Are there any other semi-hot girls in your social circle to interact with?
I hope there are. If not, you have to expand that social circle.
Begin interacting with those other girls. The hotter they are the better. Don’t try to level up your intimacy with them. Just be cool and socialize.
If you need a reference approach, go (and stay) Indirect.
If those other girls are in the same social circle your
ex-crush was, even better. She will compete for you. (But don’t socialize to make your crush jealous —that mindset will only reinforce The Loop for her.)
After two or three weeks you should be regularly talking to those other girls. Once you can really say you’ve expanded your social circle and feel comfortable at that, start leveling up with no pressure.
Be a little flirty with some of those girls. Have fun. Laugh. Hit on the hottest one. Hit on the rest.
The purpose of this three-step plan is multiple.
On one hand, since you’ll probably still be a bit hooked on your crush, you’ll feel no anxiety when hitting on other girls. At the same time, getting social approval for those other girls (because you are using The Core of Attraction and doing things right) will start breaking the crush loop. But also, that social approval from other girls will make your
ex-crush more interested in you.
I know this can seem a bit counter-intuitive, but I hope you can see the overall plan. In this new situation, you are again in control.
Dating is a numbers game and in this case you will be using the numbers to direct that power where you want.
Now you have social validation and power to hit on your
ex-crush like a valuable man.
You’ll be more valuable (Behavior 1), your Behavior 2 is relaxed, and you’ll have a bit more practice to show sexual forwardness (Behavior 3).
And even if the thing with your
ex-crush doesn’t go like you pictured, you already have a greater social circle with attractive girls.
You’ll crush it. 😉
I know you started reading this article with the idea of get your crush to like you. It turned out to be a complete makeover of your mindset —but you can still get your crush. Isn’t that great?
So, what’s your plan from now on? Let me know how it goes.
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