How to Get a Girlfriend (Detailed Tutorial)

On February 9, 2015, In Guides & How-To's by .

header happy couple

Do you still wonder what are you missing that your friends aren’t, that allows them to have normal relationships with beautiful girls easily? This post will teach you now how to get a girlfriend, keep her, and make her attracted to you.

This is the core knowledge you need to know to get the girl(s) of your dreams, whatever they are, because it’s not about techniques, but about the few principles that 99% of guys are failing to execute.

I’ve read and tried tons of dating info. However I always searched for the core, and luckily, after years of study and trial-and-error —that you’re about to save yourself— I figured it out (hence The Core of Attraction).

These are the key concepts that explain 100% of successful interactions between men and women.

You’ll see they’re super SIMPLE, yet the most powerful framework to make you attractive to girls and get them.

However, there’s a bad side.

Since these are the principles that make women attracted to you, when you start failing at one, you have to react quickly because otherwise you’ll see your girlfriend starts to become less and less interested in the relationship with you… NO exceptions.

She will avoid having sex. She will become demanding and high-maintenance. She will get mad at you for the dumbest things. She won’t return your calls…

In other words, it is just three things to make girls attracted to you, loving, caring, beasts in bed… but you have to follow them to-the-letter.

But if you master these three very basic concepts, you will be immensely attractive to women.

What Attraction Is All About

First let’s clear out what attraction is not:

Attraction is not about getting buff, having big money, dressing fancy designer clothes or having the Dan Bilzerian lifestyle… Is that important? Yes! Of course it is. But what matters is the behavior that gets that stuff.

Attracting women is all about mindset and a bit of knowledge. Not about your past. Not about your looks. Not about what you do in life.

That’s why you see real morons with hot girlfriends. But that’s actually good news! Because you can enjoy the same without being a moron.

If you have a flaw that affects your confidence (as opposed to a flaw that you don’t really give a crap about), then it’s wise to correct that.

But if you aren’t too obsessed with it, just pay the attention that you would pay to any other little thing.

What is keeping you from scoring hot girls is not the flaw, but the lack of confidence the flaw causes you.

For instance I was overweight in my mid-adolescence and I was extremely sensitive to comments.

But experience has made me realize it was my lack of confidence what made me unattractive. Sometimes the girl was interested in me at first! How do I know that? Because now I’ve been with great girls while being fit and fat!

Do girls prefer a guy with a good body? Sure! How would they not. But just that isn’t going to get you dates.

On the other hand, mastering these basics will get you dates!

It will make girls attracted to you, and you will be able to keep them for the long term, if the girls’ lifestyle and goals aren’t very different from yours.

The point is: you can either wait years until you’re 100% happy with your flaw (if at all), or choose NOW to be confident as a priority!

Studies show that confidence is the #1 trait women are attracted to. And experience confirms it!

It’s the snake that bites its tail: Before you didn’t know how to get a girlfriend ➔ that made you insecure ➔ in the end you didn’t attract girls. That creates downward spiral that compounds over the years.

attraction spiral

To get out of that spiral you have to consciously reverse it —which you are doing now by reading this. But then actually using it out into the real world.

Your Value as a Man Now v. Long-Term

Many guys ask me things like: “I am a non-white nerd, not tall and have a weird voice. Are 21 year-old blonde cheerleaders attracted to me?

When you have thoughts like these, or like the ones I had (“first I have to lose weight to attract girls”) you’re understanding attraction through your own eyes, not a girl’s.

I can’t stress that enough because I see advice like that given over and over: Yeah, you should lose weight. Yeah, you should dress like that. You shouldn’t buy her drinks…

What for guys is most important that girls have is a good body. Then some guys value the intellect —others don’t care. But most attraction triggers are in the body.

However girls value MANY more things, and as I said, confidence is king. Culture sometimes puts and emphasis on some attributes (e.g. getting big) so there’s a correlation (big guys are more confident because they are in tune with society).

Long Term Value

If you’re a blob playing video games all day yet want to get a stunning rich model as a girlfriend, you’ll have to improve your long-term value as a man.

What is this?

You’ll figure out how to get rich and do the work. You’ll work out hard. You’ll start hanging out and meeting people of their social circles… Because otherwise that girl is going to be a one time thing.

On a crazy night you maybe meet a girl like that, and get her into bed. Especially if from now on you’re the type of guy that wants a different girl every week.

But the “keeping her” part is going to be tough. Because as I said, sharing lifestyle and goals is important in a long-term relationship.

The point:

You do not have to be a rock star to get “regular” cute girls. You just need to master the very basics. That’s it!

So if your future has that girl in that mansion, great! But don’t postpone your happiness to that moment.

Start enjoying a balanced life with sex, health, love and laughter now.

It’s not an option. Plus that’ll charge your batteries to work your butt off towards your long-term goals!

A Numbers Game

You have to look at dating as a numbers game. I know, it sucks —especially if you have a crush.

But having an unconditional crush kills attraction by definition.

We’ll see why right away.

You have to change your mindset. The first step is knowing that just by going out and hitting on girls you’ll get one!

Trust me. I’ve seen that to the extreme (success ratios of 1 in 60 aren’t impossible lol).

What you’re doing by learning The Core of Attraction is improving your success ratio to be around 1 in 7 up to 1 in 2 if you’re a beast at it.

There always are “inefficiencies”. Think lesbians, girls with solid relationships, girls you’ve done terribly bad with in the past… You can’t force a relationship out of those girls. So the numbers game is inevitable.

By the way. If you have a huge crush on a girl that doesn’t even suspect it. If you are trying to turn a “toxic” girl into your girlfriend (meaning, a girl who plays with you). If you’re clinging on that girl just because she showed some interest in you…

Our brains always try to close gaps between what we started and what we want.

It happens with stupid things like watching a movie till the end. But also for bigger life-goals.

For instance I had a huge crush for a few months on a girl who had a boyfriend. She was clearly interested in me at first, but I hesitated and didn’t do anything “solid” about it. My crush was irrational, since now I would have to break the couple AND to then get the girl.

Why, then?

The moment I suspected she was interested in me, my neediness made me picture images of the two of us together. The gap between my situation and what I wanted was created. Now, even though I didn’t have “the tools” yet, my energy was still focused on getting her.

So if you have a huge crush on a girl, reflect on your situation. I know it’s hard to fight the irrational part of our brains. But I suggest, focus on the number’s game for some time and you’ll get a girlfriend that will actually love you 10x what you imagine. 🙂

How to Attract Women

We’ve covered THE mindset. That’s the potatoes. Now the meat:

Attracting girls comes down to TWO concepts. That’s the equation I always sought that explains any successful interaction:
1. The Three Behaviors
2. The Levels of Intimacy

1. The Three Behaviors

To attract girls you must show ALL three of the following behaviors AT ANY TIME:

  1. Confidence as having a life with purpose and willingness to let the girl go if she’s disrespectful.
  2. Protection IF (only IF) she’s respectful to you.
  3. Making her feel sexually desired.

Showing The Three Behaviors is really simple. It may be a sentence, or a gesture, a situation… Don’t overthink it. For instance making her feel sexually desired maybe it’s just telling her she’s hot in that dress. Showing confidence is not being affected by whatever she tells you or whatever happens to you. Protection is hugging her at the right time she needs it, but ignoring her IF she start asking crazy high-maintenance things.

➔ Keep those three guidelines in mind at ALL times and the right thing to do will follow. If you doubt, ask me.

I’ll bring your attention to a few key aspects.

Behavior 1: Confidence (what I call “Your Own Life First“)

It may surprise you how confidence is defined. The idea is that you actually have an interesting life that matters. Matters to you and to other people. A life with purpose and solid beliefs.

This is very broad concept because it means many things. Your solid beliefs may be being a successful entrepreneur, so you attract the best girls of your social circle of high-achievers. Your solid beliefs may be being laid-back and just having a good time, and you attract those types of girls (mainly).

And since you have solid beliefs and act accordingly, you don’t lose your time with girls that slow you down.

All those questions like “what should I do? she’s driving me crazy!” and stuff like that are completely out of the equation. You listen to her, of course. But your life comes first and you don’t accept any games that may put your time or the relationship in jeopardy.

You do not react negatively to bad behavior, because letting emotions get in the way of something important is a waste of time.

Instead, you ignore her, or if the situation is just truly ridiculous, laugh!

Imagine you’re the CEO of a Fortune 500 company being asked by the new janitor to earn as much as he does. You will just laugh out loud, or ignore him out of respect, you give him a kind warning for this time and move on.

THAT is the correct reaction to stupidity.

Any bad reaction is just having the ego hurt. But if you truly have a life with purpose and play the numbers game, some girl’s rejection shouldn’t hurt the ego.

Unconfident guys do anything to please a girl in the hopes of getting her. But what they’re actually doing is repelling the girl with their puppy attitude. Isn’t that ironic?

Girls don’t become attracted in absolutes. Many guys ask me: “does she like me?” It’s not black or white. That’s thinking like a man: “is she hot?” Women’s attraction levels are more dynamic.

You actually move up or down the gray-scale by following The Three Behaviors or not.

Imagine you like a stunning girl. One that makes you horny just by looking at her. One that you have a hard time just thinking of talking to her. But then, you approach and start talking, and start seeing huge layers of make-up. Then, her wig falls off. Then one of her silicone boobs explodes! Etc.

Any time you choose “hopes of getting a girl” over “my life first” is the same for her.

Behavior 2: Protection

The second behavior —protection— is taking care of your girl, encouraging her if she’s vulnerable, connecting emotionally, listening, letting her know with with words and actions that you will be there, helping her, etc. Even rewarding her with gestures or gifts.

Protection is very misunderstood because most needy men do it too much.

Besides normal socially-accepted protection, like helping out in an accident, etc. protection ONLY happens if she’s respectful to you.

I see this over and over. It happened to me too.

Girls asking absolutely crazy things to their boyfriends or even just potential suitors, entering a cycle that ends with a broken relationship.

Girls lose attraction in gallons every time you do what she asks while she’s disrespectful. It’s against the behavior 1 (confidence.)

They do this at any stage. I remember one friend… He liked a girl and she made him hold her jacket for about half an hour at a club.

They ask for drinks without deserving it. They tell you to stop seeing your friends…

A respectful girl who deserves feeling protected by you:

  • satisfies her man sexually
  • values your time
  • has fun with you
  • doesn’t take advantage of you
  • doesn’t close the communication to you
  • doesn’t try to ruin your life

It’s not a competition. The point of a relationship is to be mutually beneficial. So you should be protective, but she has to do her part or not only she will be detrimental for you as a person, but she will lose attraction by the second.

Behavior 3: Making The Girl Feel Sexually Desired

This last behavior doesn’t require much explanation. It’s just that.

When you just don’t know her, making her sexually desired is something as simple as holding her stare. When you already know her a bit, is telling her she’s stunning in that dress. When you’re a couple of some time, it’s catching her by surprise and ripping her clothes off.

You get the idea.

You can be more explicit the more intimacy you have with her.

If you noticed, all three behaviors get more intense as you grow intimate with her. We’ll see that, but before:

“But what about…? I thought that was important!”

You may be thinking. “I didn’t know that talking about our future together is protection. I need more details like that!

Don’t think that way, because you’re missing my point.

When you want to do something, just think:

“Does this adjust to The Three Behaviors?”

The Three Behaviors are stated with one sentence. They are simple to understand. Right?

You don’t have to worry about knowing 100x. With basic knowledge about society that you already have, you have more than enough to be a beast.

Think of TV series like House MD or CSI. Each chapter is different. But the plot structure is always the same. Yet they attract millions of viewers every week.

Think of The Core of Attraction in the same way. Using this line over that one in your text message is irrelevant. What matters is making sure you’re screening through the framework.

Obviously, the smarter you become, the more “tools” you’ll have. That’s one of the reasons you should subscribe to my newsletter! 🙂

Your current grasp of The Three Behaviors is enough to go out, attract high-quality girls and make them your girlfriend. If you hesitate about something, simply ask me.

But I just said The Three Behaviors need to be shown proportionally to the Level of Intimacy you’re at. That’s the other part of The Core of Attraction equation:

2. The Levels of Intimacy

A basic sequence:

  1. You don’t know her.
  2. You approach —or are introduced— and meet her.
  3. Chatting and friendly joking.
  4. Having a deep —but fun— conversation to know each other better.
  5. Touching with no sexual purpose.
  6. Hugging or affectionate kissing.
  7. Sweet, affectionate kisses on the mouth.
  8. Sex.
  9. Marriage.

I don’t add all steps because it can have some variation, but you get the idea of it being progressive. My point is for you to start seeing it as levels of a video game.

video game level girlfriend

Guys don’t know a girl and start asking how they can get her. You have to go step by step!

It can happen in minutes. Sometimes you can skip a few if the girl is giving you clear indications that she wants to be kissed or that she’s seduced by you magic and wants to have sex on a wild night.

When I see clear indications, I mean signs of attraction that you have to understand, normally in her behavior, attitude and body language showing interest in you.

But in general, you have to follow incremental steps to make her want to be with you.

For example, it’s not the same to apply the behavior 2: protection in level 0 where you don’t know her (so you care about her exactly as the stranger she is) than in level 4 where you already know her (so you ask her how was her day, comfort her…)

Very important reminder: The Three Behaviors must be present at all levels.

As a general rule, you can’t skip too many levels without showing all behaviors.

For instance, she won’t allow kissing if you haven’t showed ANY sexual interest in her several times before, like touching her in a non-sexual way at first, telling her she’s pretty, looking at her deep into her eyes, etc.

Especially at first, focus on going step by step and showing all behaviors at all levels.

Just a sentence “how was your day?” can complete the protection quota at the first levels. Just a text message where you answer “sorry I’m at the gym now, but I can’t tonight, I’m working on my big project” completes the “your own life first” quota for that level because it tells a lot about how awesome you are. That’s why it can happen very fast.

How and When to Level Up The Relationship

You now have a super powerful structure that will allow you to get infinite girls.

Whenever you’re with a hot girl you like, you’ll think:

  1. What level are we now in? OK, so the next level is …X.
  2. Is the girl ready to level up? If so, then I’ll do it. NOW. If not, then: which one of The Three Behaviors should I reinforce?

It is that simple!

That happens at ALL levels man. Keep that ultra simple process in mind and you’ll get a girlfriend very soon.

So when do you know she’s ready to level up?

As a general rule, you want to go to the next level when she’s clearly comfortable at your current level. For instance when she’s having fun with you.

You make it easier if she doesn’t expect it because she likes that confidence —but it’s not 100% necessary.

What is necessary is to level up the moment you have the opportunity. You MUST level up or she will start questioning things.

And how do you keep the dynamics of the interaction throughout all levels? Check out my post on how to talk to girls.

Your Obstacles: Fear and Need

To put The Three Behaviors to use is extremely easy. What is not easy for some people is to overcome the obstacles in their current mindset.

Those obstacles are fear and its counterpart need (it’s a consequence of fear too).

Fear keeps you from showing a behavior. For example, it keeps you from jokingly telling her that she’s so hot in that dress that you’ll make her three babies right now. Why? Because you’re afraid of her reaction. You’re afraid of losing her. You’re afraid of this. You’re afraid of that.

When it’s actually your fear (lack of confidence) what’s keeping you from attracting her.

Need makes you go too fast because you want her now. For example, by being too sexual or too protective when you just met her.

Being too sexual too soon is the typical reason girls call guys “pigs”. Then you see her laughing and acting silly around some bad boy that called her something worse. That’s because the “pig” called her that too early, without showing behaviors 1 and 2.

Being too protective too soon, for instance by buying flowers and gifts while she acts disrespectfully or doesn’t pay attention to us, make her lose even more respect of us as sexual partners, and we become providers instead of sexual partners.

The point is: you have to remove fear and need so you don’t fall short or do too much, too fast.

By removing fear and need, you show The Three Behaviors at all levels and you attract girls naturally.

I think the two biggest tools to overcome it are visualization and self-discipline. I’ll talk more about them on the blog (subscribe):

How to Get a Girlfriend

Now that you know everything there is to know, you have to put it to use.

Step 1

Write down (no joking) your girlfriend-related goals. What type of girlfriend do you want? What are her physical traits? What are her personality traits? First you want to bang a few random chicks? How many? By when?

By being this specific you gain clarity. And that allows you to go to step 2:

Step 2

Based on those goals, what should you start doing now? Based on my current approach-to-date success ratio, how many approaches should I make per week? What roadblocks do I need to overcome?

Write down what you need to do too.

Step 3

Now you have a goal, and you have a plan. The next step is to obviously, execute!

Don’t become discouraged if your success ratio is at first a bit low. See yourself as improving your levels at a video game. Nobody cares about that rejection. Only you care. I care but only if it affects you. And girls are (really) used to it and they actually get more attracted when you don’t react negatively (Behavior 1: confidence.) Not just the girl that rejected you, but the girls around and her girlfriends.

If you hit a roadblock, come back and ask me.

Until you actually go out and open your mouth in front of a hot girl, you’re not doing actual progress, because The Core of Attraction is still only in your head. You don’t have feedback except from your past of not applying it.

So go out and kill it!

Wrapping It Up

I hope to have given you the real key to the hearts and legs of the women you really want.

I want to make it super convenient for you to approach girls and know what to do. So as a thank you for sharing this post I created this cool and convenient graphic to save on your phone and remember the key concepts at any time.

So I really hope this post helped you. Which of the three behaviors have you applied successfully in the past and which not? What are you going to change now?

Let me know your questions and concerns in the comments below.

3 thoughts on “How to Get a Girlfriend (Detailed Tutorial)

  1. Russ

    Is it too late for the women I already know well… would I be wasting my time with them? Should I then focus on meeting new women and the ones that are just acquaintances and take our relationship in the direction I want early on?

    Reply

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