For years I struggled to find the perfect time to start moving forward in the relationships with girls I liked. One of those key moments was asking the girl’s number.
Whether it was her number or any other contact like her Facebook, etc. I always felt that fear crippling my move. Doubt made me not go for it. And most times, also let the window of opportunity close —hoping for a new one to open “in the future”.
Because in a possible future we can achieve anything, right? 😉
Luckily, now I know how and when to ask her number, and I’m going to show you the perfect move to close that communication gap between she and you.
When and How to Ask a Girl’s Number
I usually write about the basics of attracting women because I want you to internalize the solid principles that make you attractive. From there on you can be attractive without thinking about it.
“How to ask a girl’s number” though, is such a recurrent question that deserves going a bit into detail.
It’s also a great example to show how using The Core of Attraction solves any situation.
Now, first of all:
(But don’t stress over it…) And there IS a perfect way —you guessed it: relaxed. Creepy look and nervous laughter are not relaxed. It should feel natural to her and to you.
If it doesn’t, visualize until it does.
So there is a perfect time to ask a girl’s number, but it depends on the interaction you two are having. In other words, you have to read the situation and the girl. It’s pretty easy to figure out, though.
This is, assuming you already know the basics about The Levels of Intimacy.
Just ask yourself:
In other words, did she already show some interest in you as a person? (Of course, if she’s already showing you signs of interest, go for it as well.)
If you remember my post on how to approach a girl, I constantly wrote about “the personal question”.
A personal question or any other sign that she is interested in you.
I won’t go into detail because I’ve covered it many times. Just remember that just a sweet smile to you, asking your name or what do you do after class already is a personal question.
➡ That sweet-spot tells you that she sees you as a guy worth her attention.
She doesn’t love you yet but you don’t need that to ask her number. It is just socially acceptable for her to give you her number or any other contact.
By the way, unless something about the situation tells you otherwise, always go for the number —forget about other contacts. 🙂
Why we tend to feel fear and screw up
If we are in overthinksheep mode, everything we do seems like a big deal.
If you watch a successful guy that doesn’t give a fuck yet gets all the girls, it seems like whatever he says and does just doesn’t matter to them.
Guess why. Because it actually does not matter. I’m not saying you don’t care about the person you have in front of you. But it is a game, and even it you can’t see it that way yet, everyone’s favorite person is him/herself.
No one really cares about that time you asked a girl for her number and she said no. Not even her.
Here’s a secret to life: you have to get to that sweetspot of being the most important person in your world, yet caring (a lot) about the well-being of others. But again, the best way to ensure the well being of others is having well being oneself.
How do you get to that point of zero emotional resistance?
The “easy” way: knowledge, experience, understanding.
I always recommend visualizing what you want to change.
Visualizing is something I’ll cover in detail, because there is more to it than just imagining random things you want. But if you feel some anxiety about asking her number, visualizing yourself doing it correctly is a very good exercise. Do this until that interaction (or any other) feels normal to you.
Now think, which visualization will help you reach your goals?
Case 1. I like Samantha. OMG she’s so gorgeous. She is so nice to me. I’ve been showing The Three Behaviors correctly at our super-high level of intimacy in which she talks to me without contempt 😉 and our conversations are somewhat personal at times. Next time I talk to her I may summon the courage to ask her out. Wait, that’s too much. Better just ask her number. But oh man, what if she doesn’t want to give it to me… Maybe if I just ask her Facebook. Everyone already has her on Facebook, I know it because I spy her profile… Oh crap, here she comes. She is smiling at me. She’s so hot, man. Wait, back off. Better think it through. Next time…
Case 2. I like Samantha. She’s so nice. And hot as hell. I like girls like her. I think I still don’t have her number… How’s that possible?! I’m going to ask her for it. “Hey Samantha, I want to see this movie we talked about. Give me your number (hand her your phone ready) and I’ll call you later if you want to join. No? Well, still, give me your number.”
The right choice is obviously, visualizing —to actually do— case 2.
— “But Dani, I’m not like the guy in case 2.”
You are probably thinking of a guy with a different personality and very probably, a different mood than the one you have right now as you’re reading this.
But you CAN say those same words without changing your personality. In your own personal way. Being confident in this situation just means being relaxed. The important thing here is to stay loyal to The Core of Attraction principles.
For example. What to do in the second case if she still doesn’t want to give us her number?
Big deal! You just follow the advice I gave you when explaining The Levels of Intimacy and that’s it!
Asking the number seems like a huge step in intimacy only in your mind. It actually is a very minor step in intimacy. You can have thousands of numbers in your phone and do nothing with them. Right? What matters is what you do with it.
That’s why that step (and others) feel like nothing to successful guys.
If you think of asking her number as a huge step, that combined with current lack of women in your life, will put a huge pressure on you. Don’t!
Lubricate the situation first by talking a bit and establishing a good mood for both of you. That takes seconds! Then just ask for it.
Pro Tip on Asking a Girl’s Number
Asking the number and getting a good response is dumb-simple. Really. If you’ve never done it, you’ll be shocked at how easy it is. Relax and just ask confidently and nicely when there’s a good mood and she is somewhat interested.
However, the good thing about having a hot girl’s number in your pocket is to actually do something with it. Right?
Remember when I wrote about links and threads to master conversations? Threads are the different topics you talk about during a conversation. When talking to people, you naturally leeave many of those open, and sometimes come back to them.
Don’t overthink this (I stress you should be relaxed and confident and that alone will create a much better impression), but when talking to the girl you like, come up with as many threads as possible about topics that interest her —or even better, both of you.
Why? Two reasons.
The first one, is to have a reason to ask for her number. Keep in mind that this is not a necessary process you should follow. You can just ask for it because it is more than socially acceptable. But talking to her you’ll discover her likes and dislikes. It is much better to ask for it because you found out you two love the violin, or have some activity in common. Even better, because you will call her to go do that!
Think of this situation:
The second example is way better, and has more probability of success (both in getting her number and then going out with the girl).
Don’t do it strategically like a crazy person waiting for his prey to make a mistake and hunt. 🙂 Do it naturally, because you think you and her will genuinely have a good time there. If you noticed, in the second example I teased and offered her some challenge and fun.
The second reason, and why I mentioned that what actually matters is doing something with it, is to have a reason to go out with her.
There’s much more to write about this topic. But I have had this article in draft for such a long time that I just wanted to get it out there and force me to start writing on the blog again!
So thanks for reading it, don’t forget to subscribe and browse around the blog. You’ll surely find some other articles you’ll like.