UPDATE: this is an old article. It doesn't reflect my current way of thinking (you can read more about it here). But that doesn't mean there is no value in it! It can still be useful to you, like it was helpful to me at some point. Some corrections have been made, but not enough to change its original essence. So, if you find it useful, then use it!
Do you run out of topics to talk about with a girl you like? You don’t even know how to start? Let’s review the powerful basic ideas to make your conversation flow naturally, have fun, and make her attracted to you.
We’ll make a topic checklist, but you also have to keep in mind the global structure in which you’re talking. Your goal is to progressively level up your intimacy with her. So the level you’re currently at will determine many of the topics.
If you remember this post on how to talk to girls, we can approach Directly or Indirectly.
That approach will determine the topics you start with. Because with a direct approach, you can directly get personal. Your romantic or sexual interest in the girl is clear. It’s perfectly justified to ask her personal stuff like “what do you do for fun” right away.
On the other hand, if you take an indirect approach and start talking about “where can I find an art shop nearby?” you can’t ask her personal stuff until the conversation gets to a point where she asks you a personal question first. Remember you should talk nonstop leaving hints of why you’re interesting to get to that point.
So your approach and your current relationship with the girl (non-existent, friends, coworkers…) will determine if you can get to aseptic objective information, or superficial personal stuff, or deep experiences and feelings, etc. right away.
Emotional Relevance
This is a very important concept to use. Regardless of your level of intimacy —even if you’re not asking her personal questions yet, you should use this when you talk about yourself.
This is the structure to talk about you:
In other words:
- What do you do? What do you like doing? What would you like to do? What will you do soon? Etc.
- Then, what are your reasons for doing that?
- Then, how do you feel when you do that?
For example, imagine someone asks what did you do during the holidays.
You could answer with a straightforward sentence, like: “I went to Switzerland“… That answer gives the other person very few points to connect with you. Unless the other person really wants to keep the conversation up with you, a short answer like that doesn’t foster further conversation!
Instead, imagine you answer: “I went to Switzerland (What) because I always wanted to visit Europe and especially the CERN (Why). I’m a bit of a physics nerd and all of those high-tech labs seemed so cool!(How you feel). Plus I had the best time skiing in the Alps(more What). I had never skied before but now I can’t wait to do it again! (How you feel).”
Think of how you usually talk and how you can improve to match this three-step structure.
It’s really simple and very beneficial for multiple reasons:
- This is always useful, but it’s a MUST if you take an indirect approach, during those minutes that you need to talk a lot about yourself. Remember that the point of the conversation is to get to that personal level. By making your speech emotionally relevant, you get her engaged and get her to ask that personal question first. Then she’s in!
- It’s the language girls use. If you start paying attention now, girls are much more emotional in their language. Not only you’ll understand their motivations much better, but they will naturally feel much more comfortable talking to you.
- Compare “I went to Switzerland” with a whole paragraph (that could be much longer.) When you talk within the link and threads framework to never run out of interesting things to say, you have much more meat to keep talking nonstop!
Examples of Best Topics to Talk About With a Girl
Now that you clearly differentiate the umbrella concepts you can talk about depending on the level of intimacy, lets see some real-world examples I use a lot.
If you’re still on a non-personal level (but remember that Emotional Relevance is always on):
- What you’re doing there.
- Differences with other places you’ve been to.
- How you arrived there (if it’s interesting.)
- How you feel, or what you think about the place.
- What moves you (emotionally.)
Things that make you look good, or topics that can lead you quickly to those other topics that make you look good. (For instance if you’re in a coffee shop, you can start talking about that, to then direct the conversation to that time you won a marathon and you celebrated the victory in that coffee shop.)
Things to talk about with a girl on a personal level:
- Work or School.
- Hobbies.
- What you do for fun.
- Immediate plans.
- Future plans.
- Anything about her (tastes, how she looks, her behavior, etc.)
You can add you own. Don’t hesitate to mention them in the comments and I’ll expand the list if you want.
Please remember that those are just very general conversation triggers that you can use with anybody. Then you have to expand on each topic based on the links-and-threads framework. That will bring many more topics that are custom-made for that girl!
Conversation Example —Checklist
I also want to give you a general structure that I used at first when I was clueless. My conclusion after many successes is that you never follow that structure exactly —because the link-and-threads framework overrides it to make a conversation flow naturally.
But i’ts good to have general idea in mind —especially if you don’t know how to start. A checklist to never run out of topics to talk about with a girl:
- Approach and open.
- What I do here.
- Why I came here.
- How I feel.
- The place
- Differences with other places.
- What you think and feel about it.
- Hobbies.
- What do you do (now or in life)? —remember to ask this only if she already asked you something personal, otherwise wait!
- Statement of sexual interest (example: telling her you love her gorgeous face or how stunning she looks in those clothes —remember to change the subject after that to alleviate the tension.)
- Isolate her (get a little privacy if you can.)
- What do you do for fun?
- Tell her how you’re feeling about knowing her so far (remember: emotional relevance.)
- Another statement of sexual interest (example: telling her you’re going crazy if she doesn’t stop looking at you that way).
- Immediate or future plans.
- Another statement of sexual interest.
- Get her number (you can do this earlier if she already showed personal interest, you approached her in an indirect setting and she’s busy).
- Consolidate her number by talking for a while.
Keep in mind that some of these points can take less than a minute and some other can take hours if you talk naturally and deepen in the threads.
IMPORTANT
Watch out for next post, in which I’ll cover very powerful conversational stuff to make her fall in love with you at accelerated speed.
Wrapping it up
It’s very easy to talk naturally with a girl and make her attracted to you by showing you’re a guy with a life that doesn’t drool at the prospect of banging her. Now you just have to start applying this to real girls into the real world!
If you want to save this post as a carry-anywhere cheat sheet in PDF format. I would appreciate if you shared this (hopefully) valuable post instead of the PDF alone:
➔ Download this cheat sheet in PDF format.
So, what were your sticking points and how can you improve in your conversations from now on?
