This is The Core of Attraction

On February 2, 2015, In Guides & How-To's by .

how to get a girlfriend tcoa

Don’t know how to get a girlfriend? Don’t know how to talk to girls? How to impress a girl so she likes you? What attracts women? How do they pick up girls and get laid so easily?

Do you feel like the rest of the world has access to some hidden information on dating and relationships that’s kept from you?

I felt exactly the same way not not-so-many years ago.

Now I’m a beast at it…

Note: I’m having some (hopefully temporary) third-party problems. If you can’t automatically get the free guide that you’ll find, just subscribe with the widget on the side to get it after subscribing.

With this post I want to teach you the meat on potatoes to catapult your success with women right away. I won’t teach you specifics how to talk to girls, what to do on your first date or how to keep an interesting conversation up. Instead, I’ll show the correct mindset so everything else you need will fall into place naturally.

When you’re with a girl, you won’t have to wonder “how do I do this???”.

Instead, you’ll just have to ask yourself: “does this follow The Core of Attraction framework or not?” and you’ll have the answer.

The Unspoken Thought

Even when guys decide it’s time to put their ego aside and learn how to pick up chicks, we usually have a thought in the back of our mind… “Isn’t this f*ing simple?” I mean, thousands of guys never picked up a dating book yet they still do get their partners!

Imagine that farmer in India, Africa or Mongolia with his family supporting him through their struggles. Imagine that normal guy in America who just “got it” by trial and error in his adolescence.

The numbers just don’t add up. No special training is needed. That’s why it’s absurd to learn how to get dates by reading books from guys that are dressing weird clothes, memorizing lines and telling you they are banging one different girl every night.

I’m not telling you they are interesting. I read some of those guys for great tips.

My point is, if you are now struggling to attract girls or get dates, first you need to master the basics that will bring you consistent results.

Then you can worry about getting this haircut over that one, or going to that club instead of that other one.

Why We Didn’t “Get It”

There are several reasons and no one-size-fits-all answer. But when you talk to guys who struggle to be successful with girls, there are common patterns.

  • Internally, we tend to be smart, think a lot to ourselves so we can come across as introverts at times, and like different things from an early age. Sometimes we also have a complex —something we are secretly ashamed of. For instance, for me it was being fat and somewhat hairy. Since I didn’t have a good role model (see next point) I was too concerned about it.
  • Externally, we usually didn’t have good role models, like a brother, uncle or father who was a chick magnet. For instance, as I kid I idolized my father, but when I started to grasp what was going on with me, it was hard to realize that he wasn’t a good role model. Also, regular guys of our age were always interested in “regular things”, like watching and playing sports, or just hanging around, going out and socializing.

As a result of this, we naturally start paying attention to the things we find interesting. We start to see at the beginning of adolescence how some of our friends are already dating girls, but we tend to figure out… “we’ll get that too!

But at this point, the die is cast.

Unless you have a revelation, like finding a site like this one, all factors already converged to decide if we’re choosing a path of success or isolation.

The isolation way is what I call The Cycle of Doom:

The Cycle of Doom

We liked girls, of course! But since we were also interested in many other things, we didn’t find that much pleasure in doing what everybody else does —socializing without particular purpose, being obsessed with the latest game, following the latest fad…

In fact, I bet we found some pleasure in it, because we knew we were better in some way.

Unfortunately, when it comes to getting the ladies, studies show that people that are not as smart, are more emotional, more social, and have a better life in the basic aspects —like having sex at early age.

And maybe before it wasn’t such a big deal. But with the sheer abundance of porn nowadays, we have an escape into a habit that’s even worse because it creates addiction!


The cycle of doom is a downward spiral that starts when you don’t react on time to your early lack of success with girls.

Maybe you attracted some girls, and now you even regret letting the opportunity go away because you didn’t like her enough or weren’t confident enough to accept (sometimes even believe) her move. Also, you start becoming friends with other unsuccessful guys that reinforce that behavior.

Little by little, you start thinking more, and doing less. That lack of success creates need. You become needy and can’t live by The Three Behaviors that make you attractive.  You start thinking and worrying even more. Fear of screwing up any interaction appears. Fear too, kills The Three Behaviors. Roadblocks are always created by fear or need.

As a consequence, you start getting even worse results. Fear and need become ever greater, entering the endless Cycle of Doom.


On the contrary, guys who start with a little success, or that are able to force it early enough, see that it’s no big deal! Attracting girls is freaking easy if you’re confident enough to overcome a few tests, be a little protective and get the sex you deserve as a man. Just a few words here and there and wham! Virginity —check.

That realization removes a lot of fear and need, since they see they can easily repeat the feat. Now they know how to get a girlfriend. They are much more willing to go out, socialize and meet girls. Their social skills improve without effort. That creates more abundance in their mind, hence in their actions, hence in reality, because girls see they’re confident and have the right mindset.

With the passage of time, the functional gap between the guys who get girls and those who don’t gets greater. The guys who attract women become ever more confident and attractive. The ones who can’t attract girls become ever less confident and attractive.

difference social introverts

Luckily, the solution is simple.

That gap was caused just by a little difference at the beginning. If you learn what to do and eliminate fear and need, you can literally become a natural at it. And especially if you’ve wasted many years already, you should start now because every day you don’t you’re reinforcing the old habits.

The Solution —What Attraction Comes Down To

The basics of attraction are super simple. Like we discussed earlier, most guys don’t even have a structure in mind yet they manage to pull off dates out of gorgeous girls.

—”Yeah but I’m not as [your reason] as those guys…” —That’s BS from a crappy mindset.

You’re thinking about long-term value. For instance a super-healthy rich athlete who reads 2 books a week, speaks 10 languages and is worth millions has much greater long-term value as a man than a poor, fat, jobless guy who plays video games all day.

Yet both guys can attract girls with somewhat similar long-term value. Explaining how attraction it’s a value exchange is a much deeper topic.

Plus, I’ll add as a side note, it’s not that hard to become an interesting guy with something unique that elevates your long-term value, especially since “people” tend to be very average.

The takeaway here is, if you’re super fat and have no money, obviously it’ll be harder and you’ll require excellent game to get a stunning model as a girlfriend. Or just get your butt off the couch and exercise! But if you’re an average guy, you can get average cuties and hotties, and sometimes knock it out of the park and score a dream woman.

The core of attraction is just two concepts, applied without fear nor need.

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The Three Behaviors

The first concept is The Three Behaviors. By displaying those behaviors you’re talking directly to an irrational part of the woman’s brain. The part that controls attraction.

Sounds weird?

Have you ever heard a girl in conflict with herself? For instance, “he isn’t right for me but I can’t stop loving him” or crap like that? That is sign of conflict between her conscious brain that knows what is right, and her limbic brain that only knows that a bad boy is confident and makes her horny.

So by using these behaviors, you don’t need to become a bad boy, but you get to show the confidence, the protection and sexual desire that she needs.

If you need to remember the Three Behaviors, those are represented in this site’s logo:

the core of attraction logo

When they’re executed correctly, they create irresistible natural attraction in girls.

The Levels of Intimacy

The other concept that forms The Core of Attraction is the different levels of intimacy.

Like the levels of a video game, you can’t show the same sexual aggressiveness, for instance, when you just met her, than when you just married her. Does it make sense?

The Three Behaviors get stronger as you get more intimate with the girl. The Levels of Intimacy simply represent that reality so you always have that in mind. 🙂

And that is it. It is THAT simple.

So there’s no more “how to get a girlfriend” or “how do I attract girls”. You get to choose what you want. One girl? Multiple girls? You name it. You just have to practice until the core of attraction becomes automatic in you.

Are you ready to reverse the cycle of doom?

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A Numbers Game

Now you have a clear outline of what you’ve been doing wrong, and how to do it right to start attracting girls and getting dates!

So I said it is simple. It is! Isn’t it?

But is it easy? Well, it depends.

If you hope that just by knowing it girls will come to you, you’re wrong. Sadly for us, all those years away from direct experience with real girls is expensive. Now we have to put the core of attraction in practice to make it a part of us.

The good news is. Since we’re dealing with the basics of attraction and you have a clear framework to always follow, you’ll be light years ahead of the rest of guys out there.

Getting intimate with girls is always a numbers game. Don’t stress about it, because every successful guy thinks the same way.

I’m not talking AT ALL that you should think of women like “I scored three 7’s and one 9 last month“. Not even close.

What I’m talking about, is that if you want to score three 7’s, you have to meet at least three 7’s. And if now we add girls with serious relationships, lesbians, girls who just aren’t right for you by whatever reason, etc. Maybe you have actually meet ten 7’s to score three.

It is a numbers game, and you have to remove your ego from the equation, and see the overall picture in which you enjoy the sex of beautiful women, gain awesome experiences as a man, learn a lot as a human being, etc. thanks to socializing naturally and meeting women.

You have to see yourself as from outside, to avoid your getting your ego hurt if a stunning chick tells you “sorry I have a boyfriend” when you ask her number. If you’re ego is getting hurt, it is because you’re associating your worth as a man to your value in that particular situation in which you don’t have 100% of control.

When I get rejected, I seriously don’t give two craps, her loss.

It is not a mental effort that I do to block my ego from getting hurt. Of course it sucks when you really like the girl. But it doesn’t hurt because it is a deep belief based on experience.

Hot girls are super used to getting hit on, and if they rejected you but you were a nice confident nonchalant guy who lives by the core of attraction, they don’t avoid you or talk at your back or something like that.

Those beliefs made me reach a point where it is me who says “no” to girls to be able to focus on the ones I really like.

Think for a second. A moment ago you were able to bang one chick out of 100 tries. After understanding The Core of Attraction, you’re able to get one in 30. With some practice, you can bring that number up to one in 3 or more!

Imagine how it’s going to be to spot three cute girls, and knowing that, based on your success average, you can turn at least one of them into a relationship. Isn’t that amazing?

hot girls bikini poolYes, it is!

Start Right Away

Studies show that when you are introduced to a new concept, the sooner and more often you act on it, the more likely it is that you will make it a habit. On the contrary, if you grow accustomed to think of the core of attraction as something that “meh, it’s there, I will start one day and it’ll be awesome”… you’ll actually do nothing!

First, download my free guide if you still haven’t!

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Then, start applying it to your day-to-day interactions.

First, plan the level that you want to achieve. If you can’t think big yet, set a small goal, like “I want to have a date in the next four weeks” or “I want to lose my virginity 5 weeks from now”. You get the idea.

Second, work your plan backwards and write down (seriously I can’t stress that enough) the daily habit that you’re going to incorporate. For instance, it could be talking to 3 different girls every day and, by following the core of attraction, leveling up in your intimacy with these girls. It doesn’t have to go from meeting to sex in one conversation of course.

Set your daily goals and track them with something like HabitBull or Todoist to make sure you follow your plan. Create a daily tasks like “meeting 3 new girls a day” (even if it’s just casual) or “talking to girls by focusing on the core of attraction for at least 10 minutes a day”.


You may or may not find obstacles in your mindset or in your current behavior. For instance, you may fear approaching unknown girls (try Indirect). You may find you get angry at girls to avoid getting your ego hurt. Maybe you think you’re not worthy of some type of girls you really like… Once you know the attraction framework works, you have to overcome those obstacles so you can apply the core of attraction to the letter.

There are many tools to overcome those obstacles, but I find visualization to be the one with most impact for me.

It consists of picturing yourself, really living it with as many details as you can, overcoming that situation that is an obstacle, many times during your day.

It’s not something to do once a week. Do it as many times as you want because visualization trains your unconscious mind to do what you’re imagining!

For instance, if you really can’t go past the barrier of giving an honest compliment to a hot girl, train it in your brain as many times, with as many girls as you want! Imagine you’re doing it with confidence, as you’ll learn in the free guide.

Can’t look into hot girl’s eyes? Find a picture of a girl you like looking into the camera and visualize you’re having fun talking to her, while looking deeply into her eyes.

Getting this skill is practice, and you can get that practice in many ways. You can’t skip practice with real girls, so don’t overdo this, but these techniques help you along the way for particular things.

If you don’t even know where’s your obstacle, drop me an email and we’ll try to figure it out.

Wrapping it up

Now you have a plan. You know how The Core of Attraction works. You have set your next goal and written down what you’re going to do every day to practice. You have a plan, and you know you’re executing it. So it’s just a matter of time until you start getting dates, having the sex you deserve with hot girls and getting the most amazing girlfriend.

If you haven’t done those things do it now! Don’t let time go by, it’s much better to start with small goals than doing nothing.

I hope this article is the beginning of your new life. Because helping other guys like me is my goal with this blog!

So, what’s your next goal? How are you going to accomplish it? Let me know in the comments.