If you’ve read my key articles such as how to get a girlfriend, how to talk to girls, master conversations or the core of attraction, you already should know everything you need to start attracting women and get a girlfriend soon.
But I know from personal experience that it takes more than that.
I know what it is to have the knowledge but not the courage to apply it.
The first time I explained a rough version of The Core of Attraction to a friend, he was blown away. We were studying in Paris at the time so we decided to go to Le Louvre, the huge museum, to hit on girls and put the system to test.
We were very motivated because of the power of the system, but we couldn’t do shit with it. We were so shy that we approached 6 different women in 4 hours… Yeah. What was lacking then?
After years of trial-and-error, I’m ready to give you the key actions you must take now to start attracting girls without obstacles in just a few weeks. You’ll have a complete understanding of what to do and what not to do. Here’s how.
Most dating advice for men focuses on teaching what you need to do. But The Core of Attraction is all about following a few guidelines and avoiding the obstacles to your success. That’s it. Then you can do whatever you want. With this revolutionary approach, you’ll be able to:
- Dramatically increase your success ratio fast. Because you’ll focus on the key actions and that’s it.
- Not feel hurt if you get rejected. You’ll learn step-by-step starting from the level you already have where rejection is impossible. You may think that going step-by-step is slower, but it’s actually much faster. Just a few weeks to see great improvement in your confidence and attraction.
- Keep your personality intact. If you don’t like saying some type of pick up line or going to clubs, you don’t have to. You can say whatever you want and go to the places you like.
- Attract girls that you really like. Since you don’t have to fake a persona, you’ll attract girls that suit you the most.
So what’s keeping you from doing things right?
To put The Three Behaviors to use is extremely easy. What is not easy for some people is to overcome those two obstacles in their current mindset. Let’s see how to destroy them:
How Fear Steers You Away from Being Attractive
Fear slows you down or completely paralyzes you and what makes you naturally attractive.
For instance let’s say you want to level up with a girl. Let’s say that according to The Core of Attraction framework you need to show her Behavior 3 —making her feel sexually desired. But fear gets in the way. Instead, it fills your head with overthinking and “what ifs”.
The problem with fear is it stops the confident guy inside of you.
Let’s say you are with some really close friend you’re totally open with, and tell him: “OMG man, that girl is hot!” That is you. It is what you really think. What you really want.
So why can’t you say to that same girl, looking into her eyes “OMG babe, you’re so hot I would make you three babies right now!” (joking, of course)when the behavior 3 needs you to do it?
—What if she reacts negatively? What if she rejects me? What if she doesn’t care? What if I repeat that situation that I didn’t understand in the past? What if… —you start to think of huge risk of something that is a good risk to take. (Remember that good risk is something with unlimited upside and limited downside).
Or the overthinking alternative:
—Nah, I’m sure she has a boyfriend, what’s the point? Nah, I didn’t completely understand the post of The Core of Attraction, it’s best to lose this opportunity and ask Manuel again… Nah, I know she’s out of my league, I don’t believe that just by showing her my confidence she’ll be attracted to me… Nah… —Your brain is looking for a ton of excuses to avoid confronting that irrational fear.
Two Types of Fear
You may have heard something along the lines of: “the difference between successful and unsuccessful people is the former act even if they’re afraid.“
That’s partially true, but also a generalization. Why?
There are two main sources of fear.
One is biologically ingrained in our psyche. It comes from the time we were hunter-gatherers and lived in small tribes. Hitting on a hot stranger could end in the rest of her tribe cracking our skull open for trying to steal one of their precious resources.
This fear is really hard to remove completely, but its influence is really not that powerful. That’s the fear that “successful” guys still feel.
But then, there’s the don’t-hurt-my-ego fear. It’s more of a psychological fear caused by lack of experience, doubt of the results, not wanting to get the self-esteem even more hurt.
These psychological reasons form a lethal cocktail that keeps you away from attracting women.
But “successful” guys don’t feel this second fear at all, because they’ve done what you’re about to learn in a second to exterminate it.
My point is, successful people also feel something holding them back, but that is just a little obstacle compared to what you’re feeling.
The difference between me now and me before is not that I can invoke the god of confidence and willpower to overcome my fears. No! I’ve improved my confidence and willpower sure, but what really matters is that I’ve eliminated the second type of fear. It doesn’t exist anymore. Gone.
How Need Steers You Away from Being Attractive
For example, by being too sexual or too protective (flowers, going overboard with romanticism…) when you just met her.
Need is the other side of the same coin. Need is really a consequence of fear and limitation. It often appears combined with it.
For instance, a guy who is 200% needy of a girlfriend, is a guy afraid to stay alone.
Another example. Guys who end friendzoned show enormous need by neglecting Behavior 2—Protection only IF she’s respectful. They protect too much too soon, make gifts, send flowers, take care of her, lose their time in her favor… They go overboard no matter what. Even if she’s flirting with another guy in their face. Even if she’s clearly not sexually interested. Even if she ignores them. Even if she takes advantage of their money. Even she asks crazy things just because she wants.
She loses respect of us as sexual partners, and we become providers instead. It’s the typical image of the gold-digger cheating on her old rich husband with the yoga teacher. Same reasons in a lower scale.
I remember a friend who held the jacket of another friend he liked for half an hour at the club. She was dancing. I was speechless. I took the jacket off his hands, put the jacket somewhere lost in the dark, and introduced my friend to a group of friendly girls.
Then there’s the guys who are improving at this, of guys without that much fear. This is better because as I said, just by hitting on girls you’ll eventually get one. But they start seeing results and they have a tendency to level up to get sex asap, neglecting the rules to level up.
Being too sexual too soon is the typical reason girls call guys “pigs”. Then you see her laughing and acting silly around some bad boy that called her a slut. That’s because the “pig” suggested sex too early, without showing behaviors 1 and 2 and waiting for her to be comfortable.
Fear, Need and Honesty
I want to briefly comment on a deeper consequence of fear and need. It’s a more complicated topic and maybe I’ll dedicate a post about it.
Have you ever heard “guys aren’t honest” or “just be honest and she’ll like you” or things like that? Honesty is a buzzword when it comes to asking a girl on dating advice.
What they mean by “honest” is that they don’t want to be cheated on. If you ask them (please do so) I’m sure they’ll prefer you are open and honest about not wanting a serious relationship. If they like you, they’ll enjoy having you as a fuck buddy as much as you do. But if you want a serious relationship and you tell them, they also want you to mean it.
But in reality, they are spot on about honesty on a deeper level.
Nobody will ask you “be honest without fear or need” because most likely they don’t know how to express this idea in words. Or because they just don’t want to be anybody’s teacher. Because subconsciously they also want to know if you’re needy and afraid –for their own benefit, to avoid you as a partner!
But, of course, this is too broad of a generalization. Because there are many women (and men) with many fears and need, and they are attracting partners that reflect those negative beliefs. In other words, there are many people who want to be in relationships with other people who have fear-based beliefs, or are abusive, or excessively controlling, etc. because subconsciously that is a “comfort” zone (if you can call it that) for them. “Comfort” zone only in the sense that that’s what they know, that is the belief set through which they see the world.
So I’m just speaking of the general principle to be aware of if you want happy and healthy relationships.
Because fear, need, and other negative emotions that are the result of negative beliefs screen your thoughts, your words, and actions. Let me put an example.
Let’s say you are talking with a really hot girl. She pauses, looks into your eyes and asks: “what are you thinking?“
You’re really thinking of her big breasts and how nice it would be to suck them and get into bed with her. But you are afraid of her reaction, so you say “nothing, just thinking of this report I have to finish”.
By the way, and just to be clear: since we’re talking about honesty, the honest thing to answer is not a vulgar comment about her boobs. But what about a general comment about how she looks? What about something you’ve talked about with her in the past that will put you two in a nicer mood? Simply, try to move the conversation forward in a direction that you’d like, without pushing it, the best that you know.
Also, I’m not talking about the excessively-needy reaction that says: “I’m in love with you“. You think you love her (trust me I thought that too), but in reality those words are like an emotional contract to try and guarantee something. People are very limited in general, so the subconscious thought is something like: “She’s wonderful, she’s so in love with me” or “She’s a bitch! I loved her and gave her everything and she used me!“
Well. Probably she’s may or may not be a bitch for giving you false hopes. But it’s mainly your problem for allowing that sort of behavior in your reality.
On the contrary, the non-needy, non-afraid, confident you understands how it works.
You don’t have sex-need because you can get a girl whenever you want. You aren’t protective-needy either, because you have a life. And of course, you aren’t afraid of some girl’s reaction to your words.
So you just say: “You’re so beautiful now, I really want to kiss you” because it’s exactly the next move that she’s asking in your current level of intimacy.
And guess what. She reacts fabulously to that. She smiles and you kiss her.
The point is: you have to remove fear and need so you don’t fall short or do too much, too fast.
The Solution to Overcome Fear and Need
The first step in your fear and need eradication campaign 🙂 is to review your past. You may find scenes that cringe your stomach just to remember, but it is extremely helpful to see what has been done wrong so far, and research confirmsthat.
For example, I’ll share one of my many unsuccessful relationships (?) of my past.
There was this girl who I liked a lot. She was super hot and had a boyfriend when we met (we were 17).
Even with a boyfriend, she started to become more and more attracted to me. I see that now based on her interest in talking to me, the way she laughed with my crappy jokes, the way she touched me, etc. What’s that telling us so far? Based on The Three Behaviors, I showed enough Behavior 1 (confidence and value) and some Behavior 2 (protection) because she was also comfortable with me.
But time passed. She showed clear signs of interest, like touching me casually while talking, looking at me into the eyes without saying much waiting for me to do something (OMG yeah, I was such a pussy). I kept talking to her and had a great time, but I eventually learned that she kissed with some other guy at a party. What’s the analysis then? I clearly needed some Behavior 3 (making her feel sexually desired) much earlier. I kept leveling up in our relationship without balancing all three behaviors. That caused her either to friendzone me or to just see me as a pussy and lose interest (which she did).
I know I’m being very open but I want to show you the right analysis. It can be hard to acknowledge some of that stuff but your goal is to get to a point where you don’t care anymore because your present and future are way more exciting.
You can do this by examining whole interactions like I did, or very specific moments, like texting a girl or figuring out the next right move.
➔ So start by doing this with the key emotional moments of your past.
Then the second step is to set specific goals to overcome your fears and need. I’ll save you a huge amount of time by telling you exactly what you need to do to overcome your fears and start attracting and getting girls right away.
You start by learning why those psychological fears and need are irrational. Check again the part above in which I talk about the two types of fear).
Grab a piece of paper and jot down the fears that you feel are blocking you the most. Don’t worry about not being perfect. Just focus on the ones that come to mind most easily.
Once you have a list, search for valuable info, read up on how to release limiting beliefs.
The goal here is to look at that subconscious block with your conscious mind, so you can consciously recognize it for the lie you’re telling yourself and let it go.
For example, if you have a subconscious fear that the girl may have a boyfriend, she laughs at you, he finds out and punches you.
If you think about it (conscious mind), you realize that idea is ridiculous, and for that extremely rare situation to happen, you’d need to purposefully (or very naively) make a ton of bad decisions.
You’d also realize that women (and people in general) are actually looking for their own best interest, so if they prefer you, they will decide if they want to be with you vs. her boyfriend. So they won’t tell you about their boyfriends that much until they have an idea of what type of guy they’re talking to.
It is relatively common for women to not hide they have a relationship yet clearly keep advancing with you.
It’s also an important part of risk analysis. By improving your knowledge, you can make better decisions (again, good risk is unlimited upside with limited downside)
Do you really think by doing something that millions of men do every day around the world, you’re going to get killed or in a fight or something like that?
By gaining knowledge of how things actually work, you offset the lack of experience and fear goes away.
In regards to need, it is a similar process, generally easier. By knowing that by holding back at times you’ll get what you want faster, you become much more motivated to wait until she’s clearly comfortable at your current level of intimacy to escalate to the next level.
Assuming you already have a dating-related goal (if not, read this) now you break down those goals into smaller steps. Write those steps down.
If you don’t have a clue about how to talk to girls, but you can’t use that advice because your anxiousness doesn’t let you even approach, then focus on fixing your anxiousness first!
For example, start by approaching and saying one single Indirect line and that’s it. And you do it with three different girls every day until you feel 100% comfortable.
It seems like far away from your final goal of having a girlfriend, but if you see it as part of a greater process AND you do the work, the transformation can happen really fast. Literally in weeks.
Take “fear of approaching”. The right behavior is already in your genes. You don’t have to learn it. It is already there —blocked because of the fear. Once you see their positive reactions and how fear was completely irrational, you will want to focus on something harder!
So just in one week you can go from not being able to talk to random girls to be a natural at it.
Then of course, taking action. If your next step is approaching girls to ask about the weather while looking into her eyes and that’s it, then be disciplined, go out and do the work.
Go out and talk to a minimum of 3 random girls every day about X. Write down your daily task. I’m of course using an example —you’ll decide your daily “work” based on your next-step goal.
For example. If your next step is approaching and asking about something while looking into her eyes, you visualize it many times. That’ll boost your progress —a lot.
This has a great compounding effect that makes it easier every time.
For example let’s say you have fear of approaching and fear of going for the kiss. If you get rid of your fear of approaching, part of other fears go away. When you’re faced with the kiss step, not only you’ll be much more confident because of your progress, but part of those fears go away.
And when you have the getting-girls issue resolved, you’ll see how your social skills improvement make you better at other stuff, like networking at work, public speaking, etc.
➔ A Little More Help…
Before even starting this blog, I wrote a super-detailed guide to take you from zero to hero when it comes to attract girls.
I wrote it to organize my thoughts and share it with a few friends… Seeing their success with it, I expanded it to 250+ pages. It contains a 30-day step-by-step to remove all your fears and attract girls naturally. Plus you’ll find much more important information such as how to date girls during the day in non-social settings, and a few psychological tricks to boost your success.
Check it out and let me know if you have any questions 😉
Wrapping It Up
You have a clear road-map to overcome fear and need really fast, and start attracting girls very soon.
Don’t hesitate, make a decision now, be disciplined and you’ll see your blocks fade away.
So, how did fear or need blocked you from achieving success in the past?