Want to know how I manage to pull off long interesting conversations with the hottest girls? Want to know the skills I used to keep a conversation alive for 2+ hours with a gorgeous curvy French model I hooked up with? Consider that French isn’t even my primary language.
What makes people want to talk to certain people? How do they get other people to open to them and tell personal stuff?
It isn’t humor, or a deep mindset or anything like that. It’s just two conversation skills. So easy that you’re using them already, unconsciously. So you can start applying them right away after you finish reading this post. And it won’t only help you with your dating and love life. This simple concept will explode your social skills, your network, your career…
What Most Guys Do
First of all, the typical overthinksheep doesn’t even have a clear purpose when talking to a girl. Sure, they may have a blurry goal in mind that they want to get the girl, but that doesn’t help much.
Then, the newbies who have a more concrete strategy, usually fall into two categories.
The guys with an indirect approach, usually start talking about something practical. But shortly after that topic is over, they feel it’s unjustified to keep talking, and they run out of things to say.
I mainly fell into this category. I vividly remember one time I was walking to class in a cold humid Paris morning. I stumbled on a petite yet pretty classmate and talked about a few things. Then the conversation went into the weather. Oh My God. You know the conversation is going down when you’re forcing the weather thing. Soon, I was blank. Completely blank. I didn’t know what to say. And we kept walking in dead silence for a few more minutes until we arrived.
I’m 100% sure she felt the awkwardness as well, so it’s a tie, right?
Wrong. There’s no question about it. One thing is being mysterious, or having a tendency to being introvert. Another completely different thing is being completely awkward and let a conversation die, instead of being sociable and interesting and fun to be with.
It’s not a reminder to me. I know it very well. It’s a clarification and reminder for you.
The other category of guys who don’t get this right, is the guys with a direct approach that I call data collectors.
Most data collectors don’t even know they’re being direct.
They just somehow think asking a shitload of questions is a good way to meet women.
This is right, but only in the context of a true conversation. If you just ask one question after another, what do you think a girl —who probably has 10 more guys waiting in line— is going to do?
How would you feel if a hobo were asking you non stop, with annoying persistence, questions to you? Exactly. If you don’t know the girl, your social status to her is just a little above the hobo.
You’ll understand much better how bad this is once you learn the correct approach, so let’s dive right into it.
Links and Threads
The two basic rudiments you need to master are just these two: links and threads. Let me explain.
Threads are the different topics you talk about.
When you are in a thread, you don’t have to change the subject every two sentences. Instead, you tend to go in depth, with a good balance between sharing your point of view on that topic and listening to hers (even casually asking for it).
But also you don’t have to make a 2 hour dissertation about one single topic. If a better thread is brought in, you naturally change the subject and leave the previous thread OPEN.
This is how you chat with your family and friends!
Usually not with one, but multiple threads. For example: “This coffee is the worst thing ever, did you… God! —thread change— Look at the skirt that girl is wearing! —thread variation— Do you dare to wear that? Blah, blah…“ You left the coffee thread open, and now if the current thread comes to an end, you don’t run out of things to say because you can come back to talking about coffee.
So the subjects you talk about are the basic thread generators? In the example above, you can only talk about “coffee” or “skirts” or “wearing bold clothing”?
Not at all! There’s a more concrete seed element that you can expand threads from. That is…
You can think of links as literally, the links you find on websites. Each link opens a new piece of content, right? Well that’s it. You can follow the links in your conversation to revisit or open new threads.
As a conversation happens, both you and her are dropping tons of links. Take this simple sentence:
“I love dogs.”
It doesn’t get much simpler than that. Yet you already have two great links to talk about: love and dogs.
Take love. Things you love, things you hate; things you loved; actions related or opposite to love, such as like, fulfill, loathe or hate.
Take dogs. Why you like dogs, why you hate dogs, why you like dogs but would never have one, similar animals, the story of a friend and his pet rat, an interesting article you read about proper dog care…
But also in the context and overall meaning of the sentence, or the way she says it: animals you love, animals you hate, pets you love, pets you hate, and so on. Anything you want!
Even if there aren’t many links in the content of her words, you can always find links in the context or implicit in the conversation.
Obviously you’ll naturally talk about the links you feel most related to or things that can lead you to know her better.
Don’t overthink this. Unless a link leads you to something that makes you look bad, you can talk about anything you feel like talking about!
The hidden link
Like the title of a video game, there’s a hidden link. In the weirdest case (that will seldom happen now) that you run out of things to say, you can always turn to it: talking about yourself.
I know it can seem a little weird but girls respond to this extremely well if you do it right.
The right why to do it is with some emotional relevance. Follow this structure as guide: What + Why + How you feel about it.
So instead of saying “This coffee is good” you could say: “this coffee is so good! I thought I wasn’t such a coffee enthusiast but this is so good I’m now rethinking that!”
So imagine you’ve been talking for half an hour and suddenly you can’t reach another thread to hang yourself to. The solution to this has to always be the same: you.
What are you doing in that place, similar places you’ve been in, the good mood you have tonight, what you’re going to do tomorrow, what you’ve read earlier that evening that’s scared the hell out of you, etc.
If the conversation is already in a personal level, you can turn the same threads above into a question for her (e.g. similar places she’s been in). But if you hesitate, talking about you is always a safe bet.
I hope you see now how running out of interesting things to say is just not a possibility for you.
But also, you can now avoid the data collector approach that too many guys are infected with:
- + Hey, what’s your name? —The data collector approaches and asks.
- — Anna Karin Olsson (possible link in name if it’s relevant to you), because my parents are Swedish, but they came to the States when they were kids.
- + Huh, cool. How old are you? —The data collector continues his research.
- — 23, but you aren’t supposed to ask her age to a lady! Ha ha ha! (plus link in her being funny.)
- + So sorry. What are you doing here? —The data collector strikes again.
- — I’m going out with my friends… can’t you see?
- + Aha okay. What are you going to… (endless questions until she gets really bored and ignores him).
As you can see, there is a ton of links available in just a few sentences. The data collection makes no sense, since the main goal is to get to know each other!
You don’t have to start talking about “How Swedish people migrated to the USA.” You just need to have fun, give your opinion, share anecdotes, feelings, etc. about some link you find interesting. This way a new thread will be created, and you two can deepen within those threads to keep on knowing each other.
Now a good example:
Let’s say you’re going to buy a classical music vinyl, but you see her and decide to approach and give her a compliment.
You don’t have to be direct, of course, you can use an indirect approach if you feel more comfortable (e.g. “do you know where they sell vinyls around here?”).
- + Hey, I just realized the color of your eyes completely matches the stone in your necklace and it’s beautiful. Gorgeous.
- — Thanks, that’s nice of you —she smiles.
- [Impending dead silence. Despite all the links that you created, it all happened really fast and you don’t know how to keep going. So as you know, you talk about yourself]
- + I was going to buy a vinyl, I love Mozart and had long waited for a newly edited version to come out, do you like classical music? —You avoid the silence by simply talking HONESTLY about yourself and then asking her about how she relates to that. You want to know her. Rocket science, huh? Plus the thing you two have most in common is your current moment together, since you don’t know each other, so that’s the natural thing to talk about, plus you create a ton of links. Note that there is another link in the context: music.
- — No —she replies.
- + What music do you like? —In absence of a better answer, you take one of your own links and ask her.
You could also talk about yourself, as you already know, but since you already opened with a direct approach it’s justified to show your interest more openly, because she already perceived it. Once gotten personal, the best way to know each other is to keep it balanced (not just talk about yourself) so if you feel you already talked enough about you, it’s not bad to ask something.
Now she can open up and start sharing some stuff, or just give a short answer like “I don’t know… Beyoncé”.
If the former happens, then great, you’ll receive a ton of links and a natural conversation will occur. You also know (since you went direct) that she will respond good to you asking her number.
If the latter happens, you’ll have to repeat the process of talking about yourself to show who you are and create links, and once in awhile asking her. That can lead to you trying that for 5 minutes or so with no change on her part and an ugly face, or to finally opening up and engaging in the conversation.
You have to try! There’s no shortcut!
Of course there are body language details and signs of interest in her communication that can scream at you that she likes you, but that’s out of the purpose of this post. I recommend you to subscribe to the blog to make sure you get my future articles on that:
I like to make it easy. So I’ll give a reference of a personal conversation.
This will guide you if you’re lost but want to directly start with an interested approach. If you like to start talking to her indirectly, this is the part where you’ll get after igniting her interest in you.
Again this is a reference, don’t try to force it!
There’s no time frame, no reaction of the girl, no surroundings considered here. It’s just a guide for you to follow in case you get lost.
- Approach and open the conversation with a direct approach, or arrive to this point indirectly.
- Tell her what you do here
- Why did you came
- How do you feel
- The place
- Differences with other places
- What you feel or think about the place
- Ask her what does she do (now or in her life)
- First statement of sexual interest (a compliment is good enough).
- Go anywhere else if you’re in a group of people (for instance, at night)
- What does she do for fun?
- Explain to her (narrate) what just happened (that you met her and liked her, that she is receptive and having fun…)
- Another statement of sexual interest.
- Talk about immediate or future plans (or any other topic you’re comfortable with. Just a guide!)
- Third statement of sexual interest.
- Get her number (Number Close)
- Keep talking to consolidate her interest in you.
Let me clarify a few things that I may have hinted but didn’t put enough emphasis on.
First, is the fact that the more interesting you become, the better you’ll become at talking to people. You’ll have more interesting things to say, and you’ll link better. Therefore you’ll have more interesting conversations and will impress girls more. You’ll be able to get better and better girlfriends.
Don’t become obsessed with this, it’s not a 100% priority. But improving every aspect of your life should be a constant. Learn something new every day.
Again, it’s not something you are. It’s something you constantly become. Read a lot, gain a lot of interesting experiences. Don’t sit in your room playing video games hoping for the world to give you knowledge and interesting things to talk about. Learn!
Second, approach the people you talk to (not just girls) with a positive attitude. Don’t force it, but you should find joy in talking to people!
Never be the whiny guy constantly complaining. Being too serious or mysterious is ok, but it can get annoying after awhile. Being mysterious is effective when you’re reserved about an aspect of your life that matters to you. Not by having an straight face while everyone else is laughing.
My last tip is just to remember than having a conversation involves (at least) two people.
When you’re opening the conversation, you’re doing most of the talking to ensure there is someone talking! If the girl doesn’t know you, how do you expect her to open to you?
But once the girl tries to contribute to the conversation, by all means let her!
In fact, you should casually encourage her for feedback, opinion, etc. progressively as she gets in a talkative mood.
People like to talk about themselves, but more importantly, they love for others to listen to them! Not only you’re giving her that gift, but you’re subtly letting her know that you care about others —in this case, her.
Now you have these tips. You also have the numbered list that should give you a good reference to direct the conversation if you’re lost. Plus with the Link and Thread method, you can talk for as long as you want.
It’s literally a never ending stream of topics. Just start having brilliant conversations!
You’re going to rock their world.
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So, how do you think you can start improving your conversations right away? Let me know below in the comments. 🙂