Imagine you are about to go out with a couple of friends you always have a blast with. You put on one of your nicest shirts. The fresh cologne you love. You’re impeccable. Ready to rock.
But wait! You almost forget your phone! You grab it and see you have one message: “Are you coming tonight please?”
“Sorry babe, I have plans. We’ll see tomorrow, k?” —you reply.
It’s one of your two fuck buddies. The brunette one with long straight that ends right above her amazing ass. Your other sexy friend is a stunning blonde with a slender body yet big fat boobs.
You go out and as usual, you have a blast. Among other things, you end up making out with a cute girl you met talking earlier that day. She’s so hot and lovely you start to think she may be A+ girlfriend material…
Back to Now
How far are you from that life?
I’m not talking about that particular situation of course. Maybe you just want a lovely girlfriend and don’t even like going out to crazy parties. I’m talking about having the ability to get dates and have a great time socializing at that level. So, do you feel it is a long stretch?
Is it because of the money? Is it your looks? What is it that’s keeping you from having that life right now? Seriously, please, think about it because it’s just a quick exercise to improve your mindset.
Odds are, right now you are in a totally different mindset. You’re struggling with the possibility to get dates. Your thought processes inhabit the realm of “what if?” and “first I should do that“.
Well, back to the example (you can do this with your particular example too), let’s break it down.
Is money the obstacle? Doubt it. Money is great, sure —you can do more things. But you and I know many ways to have a great time with little or no money.
Is your looks the obstacle? Well… maybe. I know fat guys with pretty girlfriends. Hell, in fact, I was one of those at one point! And even so, what’s keeping you from joining the gym, and start feeling much better because of the endorphins, even without much weigh loss, about two weeks in?
Is it because of X reason? Tell me any “normal” reason (even most unusual reasons), and I’ll find you a counterexample of a guy with that problem yet successful with women (even guys with PIED).
If you think about it, in just a matter of weeks (at worst) of gaining the correct mindset and learning all you need to know to get successful dates (subscribe to learn that BTW) you can enjoy a life that will make you really happy.
If you dream of a better lifestyle, with more money, other looks, etc. great! That will come eventually if you work toward it, but these basics elements of human relationships (love, friendship, fun) are already at your disposal and not only you don’t have to wait: it is detrimental if you wait, because your motivation will be a its lowest to pursue other things.
And your motivation being too low is not something to take lightly, because it makes you enter into a downward spiral where time (and sometimes more) is lost.
Wait, Manuel… it’s not just one thing. In my case it is because MANY of those reasons combined. I’m so overwhelmed by all the change necessary, that I end up doing nothing.
Well… that’s understandable. And that’s la raison d’être of this blog, and in particular, of this article. Here’s the solution.
I know that “there are so many obstacles” feeling. First hand. I remember once I was reading a cosmo-type magazine that was at grandma’s. My aunts bought it occasionally and I liked to see the hot models and peek into the girls’ mind. I was at a point in my life where I had absolutely no idea of how to attract girls. My dating arsenal was zero. My only guide was my instinct, and my powerful neocortex was screwing over him, overthinking every single time.
That number of the magazine had a test for men, whose purpose was to discover their potential of success with women. I’ll remember one particular question:
“— If a girl rejects you, do you think it’s your loss, or her loss?”
Obviously, it’s my loss! Right? If the girl is pretty and I like her, how can it not be my loss?!
Well, thankfully now I think very differently.
That gives me the perspective not only to tell you how to get out of that situation, but to give you the shortcut to start attracting girls right away.
As a quick side note, I want to remember you that your value as a man is relative. What your hot girlfriend thinks of you, only depends on your girlfriend’s thoughts and experiences —not on yours.
Don’t think too much about this, I just want to remember this important concept before going into the meat of what you need to do.
Your Dating Goals
The first step is to stop lamenting your situation. I say that, just in case, because I know you aren’t lamenting since you’re looking for ways to get out of it by reading articles like this one.
We’re not focusing on the past, because we’re focusing on our goal. Then, in order to get there, we’ll have to assess our current situation, but that’s it.
So what type of girl(s) and what type of relationships do you really want?
Having a clear answer the first step, but get this:
Mixed Mating Strategies
In order to unclutter your thoughts, you have to know that men have what is called mixed mating strategies (reference: A Billion Wicked Thoughts.) That is, at the same time we look forward to having one amazing woman that is the mother of our children, and screw around your hotties that we may find in other places.
I tell you this for you to understand that choosing the playboy lifestyle over the loving long-term relationship (or vice versa) is ultimately a personal choice. Nothing wrong with either choice. Up to you!
Design Your (Near) Future Love Life —Three Steps
Great, so now you have a clearer vision of your future love life. Now:
Grab a piece of paper, and jot down what type of girl(s) and what type of relationships you really want. Do it now, it’s just one minute and by writing you tell your subconscious that you’re serious about it. Many girls? One amazing girl? First one thing, then the other? How are they? Be specific but don’t lose too much time on this —you can do this exercise better later on if you want— just do it now.
OK. So now you have a clear crisp goal in mind, and in paper. 🙂 Even if it’s not definitive, it is WAY better than having a blurry thought that comes and goes, right?
With a clear idea of the women that take part of your life, ask yourself… What do they really search for in a guy?
Are they very selective with the social status of their partner or just regular girls from your current neighborhood? Or regular girls from around the world? Are they very open? Are they looking just for a guy that embodies the American dream? Are they highly-intellectual Asian girls?
If you like girls from a station that’s very different from yours, you may have to do some research to peek into her mind. Don’t hesitate to let me know if you have doubts.
Write down your findings in your paper.
Now that you have a relatively solid idea of your ideal girl or girls, ask yourself (and again, write down in the same paper) what do you need to improve in order to date those women?
Remember the discussion about value. What they think of you depends on their perception and experiences, not yours. If you think you’re super hot but they hate the way you dress, it’s not their problem, and you should change to make your way. You get the idea.
Chances are, especially if you don’t have a fancy taste, that you’re much MUCH closer than getting those girls than you think. Chances are, if you’re from America or some other developed western country, that if you just want to bang a hot girl tonight, you can just go out right now at this very moment and casually meet a girl that’s hot enough and likes you.
What separates you from that power is mainly your mindset.
But even if you do have a fancy taste or a bigger goal. If you have enough self-discipline, you can start thinking you’re already there. The key, again, is having the ability to change and apply what you’re learning here in TCOA, and self-discipline is the key to that ability.
Wrapping it up
I spent years trying to figure out this dating thing. However, the day I lost my virginity wasn’t the culmination of a complex process that finally got all the pieces of the puzzle together in my head. But rather, it was a decision that I suddenly made to myself a few days after a New Year.
I decided I was going to lose my virginity, and there was no other option.
The point here is, you can decide to start living what you’re missing out on. It’s just a choice, backed by some mindset upgrade, but that’s it.
I know many examples of this. Although it’s about wealth, I really like this Steve Pavlina’s post that teaches a similar thing.
Now that you have a clearer outlook on your love life (and hopefully, your whole life too), it’s time to set specific goals for you to improve. Is it something specific, or just your mindset and dating knowledge.
Again, if you haven’t, subscribe to my newsletter to start getting all the knowledge you need, for free:
Because my goal is to make you start living a healthy love life without all the inner struggle and battle to get everything right in my head, thanks to The Three Behaviors of my method.
So tell me, can you start living the life you dream of right away, or do you still need some personal improvement? What are you going to start living to the fullest with what you have now? Let me know in the comments.