Last Monday we reviewed the main topics to talk about with a girl. It was important because I highlighted the different topics we can talk about depending on the intimacy with the girl. Our goal, obviously, is to level up the intimacy with her. But I said what we’ll be covering today is powerful stuff.
Not only it will help you ramp up the intimacy with her at lightning speed. You will have a huge list of topics to talk about with her that make her much more likely to develop feelings for you.
A few researchers lead by Arthur Aron figured out 36 questions that accelerate the intimacy between two people (original paper). It starts with:
“A practical methodology is presented for creating closeness in an experimental context.”
These 36 questions are a way to supercharge the closeness with a person.
How The 36 Questions Work
In experiments, complete strangers begin answering these things to each other. In just 45 minutes, feelings arise. They get to know each other very closely. The share things they like about each other. They share dreams, vulnerabilities, failures, goals.
Then at the end, they stare at each other from two to four minutes. This stare is no magic. It’s just deep-rooted communication that naturally creates closeness. That’s why it’s an important part of body language to attract girls.
After those short 45 minutes and the stare into the eyes, they feel an extremely powerful connection. In some cases, that connection directly leads to love.
How to Make Her Fall in Love with You By Using the 36 Questions
The experiment initially set out to create intimacy progressively in a controlled environment. However as a ‘side effect’ some of the couples fell in love instantly.
Check out this video of Spanish TV where random people are put together to test this bold study. It’s in Spanish, but it’s the best one I’ve found and you don’t really need to understand what they say, because you’ll find the 36 questions below. You’ll get the context and the body language and overall communication —which is more important here:
Of course, you can’t approach a girl and start asking her these 36 questions. This experiment works because both participants agree to ask and answer the questions.
But this experiment demonstrates that this is not rocket science. It’s entirely dependent on the things you do. If people came to know some things about each other, they fall in love. If they don’t, they feel nothing.
You can take huge advantage by using them. You’ll speed up her interest in you. You’ll smooth your conversation. And she will be much more likely to fall for you:
➔ You can expand the list of topics to talk about. Instead of talking about how many times you go to the gym (data collection mode) which is personal but not very relevant, you can focus on these intimacy-boosting questions.
➔ Once she’s comfortable talking at the personal level, you can start by asking her these questions, casually, here and there. Don’t force it! If she introduced the personal conversation, which is great, by asking your age, you can’t reply and immediately ask: “Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?” —which is one of the questions, lol.
But once she’s comfortable at that level and having fun with you, you could ask: “What would constitute a perfect day for you?” which is one of the questions too, and much more acceptable.
I used many of these questions already and I didn’t know they were included in this list!
This does not mean you can’t ask them right away. If you have a Direct approach, you start at a somewhat personal level because you’re showing interest in her. But that’s not the case of the Indirect approach.
So little by little you ramp up the intimacy like no other guy.
Just remember. I can’t stress it enough because I don’t want you to mess The Three Behaviors. You can’t force it.
➔ The third way you can take advantage of it, is by sharing your answers to these questions without her asking.
Remember that, when having a conversation, if you run out of links and threads, the best option is always to talk about yourself.
Well, what best topic than one of these 36 questions?
You automatically create intimacy and make her much more willing to open to you and ask you more personal stuff by going in first.
For instance, if your current conversation is coming to a dead end, you could say: “yeah, that sucks. That is actually one of my most terrible memories (which is the answer to one of the questions), because blah, blah…”
Ok, so let’s list the questions:
The 36 Questions to Fall In Love
- Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
- Would you like to be famous? In what way?
- Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
- What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
- When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
- If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
- Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
- Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
- For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
- If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
- Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
- If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
- If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
- Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
- What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
- What do you value most in a friendship?
- What is your most treasured memory?
- What is your most terrible memory?
- If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
- What does friendship mean to you?
- What roles do love and affection play in your life?
- Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
- How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
- How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
- Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling…”
- Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”
- If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
- Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
- Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
- When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
- Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
- What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
- If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
- Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
- Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
- Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
Those are the questions. As you can see, together they touch The Three Behaviors, by showing your strengths at some point, making her feel sexually desired, showing you care about others and can protect her, etc.
Some of these questions show vulnerabilities. Yet girls still fall in love with guys with flaws. It’s your confidence to accept them and your drive to change what you can what attracts girls.
Now you can apply them into real-world situations. It’s not a bit manipulative. The idea is not to force her to fall in love with you, but to learn how you can do it and grow your intimacy faster!
Were you already using some of the 36 questions? Which ones can you start using right away?