If you are looking for a quick formula to impress a girl in your next Tinder message, this is not the article for you. This is a deeper look at what actually impresses women and makes them attracted to men. Learn this and you won’t have to google ‘how to impress a girl’ ever again.
Imagine we just met, and I awkwardly tell you I am fluent in 12 languages. Not in a way that naturally flows from the conversation, but in an off-topic way, out-of-the-blue, breaking the conversation flow –as if wanted to tell everyone.
Now, are you impressed? And if so… Do you want to be my friend? Do you irresistibly want to know me more because of that?
- If you are into languages, you will probably ask me which languages and how I did it –so maybe you can get even better.
- If you’re not into languages, you will just think “that’s impressive!” but leave it at that because of the awkward way in which I said it.
- If you have a negative outlook on life and other people, you will see that fact as something negative about me (I’m outright bragging; I am stupid for wasting my time learning useless languages; etc.)
There may be exceptions and other cases, but those three are the most likely cases to fall in:
- Neutral interest.
- Inferiority –positive.
- Inferiority –negative.
Let’s not consider a superiority category because that would be an exception –it is very rare that someone is really fluent writing and speaking in 12+ languages.
The awkward non-verbal way in which I told you clouds the overall message.
If I’m a stupid bragger you won’t want to be my friend –unless you are as well 😉.
What is the point so far?
I think you get it. First of all, stop trying to impress women by force-feeding and saying you do things, have things, or are things.
Or even better: stop trying to impress women.
Not because it is morally wrong or anything like that. But because the intention behind it just doesn’t work –or only works with women who are low-consciousness enough to want to fall for that.
Women –and people– don’t care about it. Best case scenario, they will be interested in that thing you do or have or are, but not in you.
We –humans– label our world. You can imagine little tags attached to every object, person, place in your life.
This website? Hopefully the tags you attach to it are successful relationships, personal improvement and life-changing.
Your smartphone: premium, snappy, expensive, high-tech.
That girl you like: sexy ass, smart, arrogant, popular.
And now a pro tip: the labels you assign, consciously or unconsciously, have a BIG role in the outcome of the events you experience.
Did you already know those labels are important? Double their importance… 10x their importance.
If you believe that girl is arrogant, guess how you’ll interpret her actions. How will you react to what she says? How do you think you will behave with her?
Imagine a scene with a girl like that. Chat with her in your imagination. How can you impress such a woman?
Now imagine the same scenario if you labeled her as we always have the most amazing time. If that’s too much for you to truly believe, use a more believable label like: she’s fun and kind to me.
Have fun with this experiment for as long as you’d like.
It’s a fun exercise to see the labels you unconsciously put to many things in your life –and even more fun to realize you can deliberately change them.
Back to languages, I don’t speak 12 of them 🤓. That was an example to drive home the point:
- If you learn that I speak 12 languages from a third person, or I tell you in a way that makes sense in our conversation, you label me: probably really smart AND good at languages.
- However, if you learn that I speak 12 languages because I try to tell everyone, even if no one asked, you will label me: somewhat smart, good at languages AND arrogant AND insecure.
I think you get it!
By thinking in terms of labels, it should be clear to you how trying to impress a girl does not impress a girl.
Trying to impress a girl is a surefire way not to impress a girl
Are you still wondering how to impress a girl? Trying to impress implies you are not that impressive.
I never really liked or disliked George Clooney. To me, most of his movies are OK, not impressive, not great. He was meh to me.
– Oh, but he’s so handsome!!!
– “So what? Should I care? Fuck him.”
– But he’s also a top Hollywood star. And a multi-millionaire!
– “Yeah, ok. Great. There are other stars that fit that criteria and are I like more than him.”
Wow! Not only he’s a successful actor, but also has great business skills and probably has great connections. Hmm…
I don’t even know the exact role he played in that company, but so what!? Owning a part of such a cool and successful business adds something to his aura that makes him impressive indeed!
And why is that?
I didn’t learn about that from a gossip article or video touting how great Clooney is. TV and the Internet is swamped with that. And I hate that!
I learned about the tequila company in a business magazine, discussing business aspects of it.
That unconsciously added the label: serious business, instead of another PR push on how great Clooney is.
And I mentioned aura.
Meaning, there’s something about him that not every actor has.
He seems to be interesting, since he’s a top actor and director, desired by millions of women (notice that tag that makes him even more attractive to even more women), and he still has time to run a successful multi-million dollar business? Seems so! Wow, what else should he be doing? He also must know extraordinary people because of who he is.
I don’t care if all of these things are actually true. Maybe at times he’s at home drinking his own tequila and being sick about the next f*ing promotion tour he has to do, again. Or maybe he really enjoys it. Maybe in the short distances his personality is not so attractive to women (who knows). I don’t know.
But I don’t want to know. I don’t need to know.
I’m not trivializing reality in a general way. Getting as close as possible to ‘The Truth’ is one of my core values. We are discussing attraction here.
That aura and mystery around people is a bit like a magic trick. Once you know there was a midget inside the box; once you know it was all a camera trick; once you know he had a double, there is zero fun about it.
Maybe you still like the magician. You are still impressed by how well he can control the audience’s attention and get his hand in his pocket while no one is looking. In other words, you specifically could be interested in something other than the magic.
But people generally lose interest. Women in an attraction context, too.
How do you create that mystery?
Impress women by being yourself –but let me explain
I always hated the just be yourself advice, so let me elaborate.
Before I said: stop trying to impress women by saying you do things, have things, or are things.
But that doesn’t mean women (and people) don’t like those things.
Obviously! The more amazing the things you are, have and do, the more impressive you will be.
If I tell you I am a billionaire, and I prove it to you, you will focus on that and quickly forget that I am bragging. Some people may even think that I have the right to brag.
But those “amazing things” leak out of your day-to-day activities anyway. And people learn about them quickly. Really quickly. If I’m heading home and you glance how I pull the keys to a Bugatti out of my pocket, I don’t have to tell you I am a billionaire.
On the other hand, trying to force “I’m rich and I have two Bugattis” down someone’s throat labels you as insecure and not-mysterious-at-all!
You don’t have to keep secrets either. Remembering not to forcefully try to impress people is enough. That is a nice sweet-spot rule of thumb.
Not something you have to live by, but keeping an aura of mystery around yourself makes you even more interesting and impressive.
People never fully know what amazing thing you are working on now that will blow their minds. What do you do that is amazing? What will surprise them even more?
So yes, in order to be impressive, you have to actually be somewhat impressive, do and have impressive stuff. But that is a natural consequence of who you are. You can’t truly fake that.
Again, what do you enjoy doing that is amazing?
The Beyoncé effect
Do you like Beyoncé? I don’t. I don’t like Shakira or Justin Bieber either, in case you feel better with those examples. 🙂
It’s not like I hate her as a person or anything. It’s just that I would never, ever, play a song by her because her music is very boring to me. I also think she’s overrated.
I’m listening to Canon in D Major by Pachelbel as I write this, so you get the idea. ☺ I like Pop too, just not Beyoncé.
People seem to think she’s an angel descended to Earth so we can enjoy her awesomeness.
And besides some good raw material (obviously) that is because Beyoncé is a master at marketing herself.
How does she market herself?
She’s progressively become almost a Goddess. So much, that she actually dresses like one:
But that is so distant from the common man like you and I, right?
Don’t fret. Because she is also sooo humble. She may even sit next to you at a public place eating a sandwich she made the night before.
I shake my head in disbelief at people gobbling up that humble goddess mix. However, that’s Marketing 101. It’s called the reachable hero.
You project this image that you’re amazing. You impress people yet not so much that they are bored because they will never reach you or your level.
And, this-just-in, many great performers in show-business have done the same.
I don’t have a problem with that idea. I too focus on the positive aspects of what you can achieve by learning what I teach. I have a problem when it is exaggerated. You will never see me calling myself a guru and faking successes. But when I have a successful experience to share that can inspire and empower your growth, I may share it.
In my opinion, only true, genius-level, God-given talent can seem unreachable for others. One has to be grateful to have a reminder of what they can achieve. I don’t care if Tchaikovsky was good people or a jerk (I don’t know), I still love his music.
I’m really, REALLY, not recommending to build a lie around you. You have to have something to back it up. You have to be interesting.
Beyoncé actually has good qualities. To me, she is:
- Good looking
- Good at singing (just not that good)
- Good at dancing (better dancer than singer)
So there is something to actually sell.
Truly not giving a fuck
Me personally, I don’t care about impressing anyone. I’m just writing this because there’s a high chance you googled “how to impress a girl” and I want to give you answers.
But it is true that, in general, when talking to a hot girl there’s this thought that I’m impressing her. But there is no effort involved. That state is where I want you to get.
So I know from experience that the most impressive thing is truly not caring about this. Build your own life in a way you enjoy and be impressive just by doing that.
Trying to impress a girl makes you assume attracting women is hard and you have to be this and do that. When I can tell you it’s not like that.
Become amazing at your job. Become a great bodybuilder. Get rich. Become so enlightened you don’t need money. Get really skilled at the piano. Travel a lot. Whatever you do, you will be naturally impressive and you will constantly have amazing stories to tell.
Thinking this is better: “ok, I will focus on improving myself and not trying to impress women, but hey, it just happens that is impressive so I will end up impressing women, it’s a win-win!” That is better, but it is still one step removed from actually not giving a fuck. You still look forward to ending up impressing women. Right? It is really easy to go from there to starting to care again.
True freedom of spirit, thought and emotion comes from truly not caring about this. And probably just focusing on loving others and making their lives better, like I try to do on this blog with you, dear reader. 😉
I don’t care if I’m impressive. I know my articles are relatively good, and I have consistent validation from my readers. I just want to help you because that makes a better world.
Now imagine if you had that attitude with everyone, including women you like. Ultimate freedom. You can do whatever you want. One of those things just happens to be attracting women. To me that sounds amazing. It’s ups for grabs at any time!
Now you know how to impress a woman you like.
But, what about a woman you already have a relationship with?
How to impress a girl you already go out with
When in a relationship, this changes a bit over time. Because of familiarity, she will be less surprised. She knows you through and through.
She can think you are an amazing human being, but that shock element is not there anymore. Unless you do any of these two things:
From a relationship viewpoint
Don’t ask yourself “how can I impress her?” That will only difficult your thinking.
Ask yourself creative questions like the following:
- How would I do this if we were in a movie? What would the lively protagonist do?
- I thought of this interesting idea… How can I make it 2x more interesting?
- What would she love to tell our grandchildren that I did?
If you get into the habit of asking yourself these questions before doing anything like going on a date, buying a present, etc. you’ll impress her every time. She will not expect your next move and she will be impressed.
Granted, if you always do this, you will lose a bit of the shock and surprise.
Rhythm is an important part of life. Breath in – breath out. Sometimes, you don’t have to do anything.
That is very important. Don’t feel like you always have to do something impressive even if it’s detrimental to you. That would be too much Behavior 2 because of neediness, thinking you can lose her or something. Don’t do that.
Having said that, if you manage to impress her and shock her in a good way, even if she expects that from you, there is an inherent element of surprise and fun that will keep the attraction alive.
Just show you care, man. 😉
From a personal growth viewpoint
Always grow. Constantly. Always expand.
Nothing to do? Learn an instrument. Get on a challenge to travel every month to a new place. Embark on 30-day trials (like I do constantly and highly recommend.)
It’s not something you stressfully 🤯 do to try to cover up insecurities (it won’t work). Just do what feels fun and right to you!
If you keep growing your comfort zone, you will be even more comfortable (your comfort zone gets bigger 😎) and you’ll be constantly full of new experiences to make both of your lives more interesting.
The more you try to impress a girl, the less impressed she will be.
So stop trying to impress women.
Instead, focus on becoming the interesting, confident man you can become. Heck, you may already be it! You are just afraid to show it.
You will sense in real time when a woman is being impressed and attracted. She may even actually tell you!
But are you going to stop doing what you do and being who you are because she is impressed? No, because you are not trying.
As you get smarter, more joyful, more driven to achieve your goals, more confident, and more fun to be with, girls will be impressed and attracted to you.
Then, once you have a girlfriend and understand her interests, you can do things unexpected things to surprise her. She will love it.
Is this article going to change your behavior?