Can you remember a time where you were very good, maybe the best, at something? With this post, I’m going to transfer that feeling to your dating mindset and skills for a quick improvement.
Your mindset is literally the most important thing when attracting women (or being successful at anything in life.) My intention for you is to get out of this article with a successful dating mindset.
One of the key mindset shifts that has made me not only attractive to women, but also able to bond and get into relationships with them, is feeling bigger than dating.
No pun intended –really 🤣
Let me explain what I mean.
You can achieve any goal –in any area of your life– when you “feel bigger” than that goal.
Sometimes we are just lucky (or so we think) and achieve it easily.
You may assign that “luck” to the help of God –if you believe in God
Sometimes, you can stretch your comfort zone, take a risk, do the work and have success with it.
But in general, when you focus on goals to achieve “on your own”:
- You get a healthy fit body once exercising and eating right are natural to you.
- You achieve financial success once you know how to control your finances and are comfortable doing so.
- You pass a test once you know enough of the subject and/or have experience with it.
- You more easily connect with people when you don’t feel limited by social norms and feel free to spontaneously have a blast with others.
- You can have sex (or relationships) with girls you like pretty fast, once you ‘get it’ and feel at ease.
And that last example is the point of this article.
If you notice, in this amazing diagram that I drew myself inspired by Picasso, I did not put the blob fully inside the circle.
- In the first version, realize that you already know at least a bit, maybe more than you think!
- There will always be things you are not a master of, and things you have absolutely zero clue about.
You don’t need to know everything. You want to have enough knowledge and experience to have fun, give and receive love and enjoy relationships the way you prefer.
When I recommend visualizing, don’t visualize you approach a girl, say hi, and she throws a drink at your face!
The right way to visualize is to understand a version of yourself that you prefer!
Pay attention, expand and solidify that part of dating women that you actually enjoy.
Do not create separation between your current self-image, and that version of yourself that has success with women.
You can easily attract love from really attractive women and have long-lasting relationships and have sex with as many as you want.
The more you visualize it, the more you understand it in your gut, in your chest, and bit by bit, in your thoughts and beliefs.
But this is not a post about visualizing, but about the ‘getting it’ aspect of dating. The feeling bigger than it. Making it normal, natural, (almost) boring to you.
Think of something you master. It doesn’t matter if you are third best in your martial arts group and not the first. If you are #3 out of 20, you are close enough to mastery to understand this.
Just think of something you are really good at.
Pay attention to how easy and natural it is for you. Stay a moment there.
Now think of a time when you weren’t that good, probably when you started doing that activity.
Come back to the present. But now it is second nature to you. Think of it a bit longer, close your eyes if needed. You can teach others do the same. Maybe you never fully realized that they are not that skilled at it. It’s like they just don’t ‘get it’!
Sometimes you can be surprised by new experiences with this area of your life. And you can always learn more, sure. But in general, you feel “bigger” than that thing.
You keep improving and mastering even further, because you like it, but you are already comfortable and enjoying the process.
It’s part of you, as many other things.
Stay at that feeling of superiority and mastery for a moment.
Now, try to transfer that feeling to dating beautiful women that you like. Just do it as a mental exercise, as a game, with zero expectation.
Maybe the thought of approaching her, saying hi and starting a natural conversation does not cause any anxiety. It’s fun! Now, it is easy… Enjoyable! You look forward to it! You feel so confident in what you want, that you even let opportunities pass!
Close your eyes and imagine yourself in situations like that.
Feeling bigger automatically changes your thoughts
This post you’re reading. Great example. I’m comfortable (feeling bigger) enough to freely choose how to write it: no, I don’t care about SEO to rank higher in Google, today I really want to communicate this idea because it’s going to be more helpful to my readers. I still have a lot to learn, and I enjoy it! For a more novice blogger, doubts like that can cripple the message they want to convey.
So, can you think, meditate, visualize it? It may take a while before you start getting it, but I want you to stay focused on feeling bigger than dating the women you like.
The important part is not saying X or Y. Not even how you say it. Why you say it is much closer to truth.
The important part is your state of mind, feeling and emotion. Your mood and inner dialogue. Are you afraid of the outcome? Or is it something that has you totally relaxed, no matter what happens?
There is some excitement, maybe even a very short spike of anxiety in some very particular situations. That excitement however, comes from looking forward to know the other person and discovering what will happen!
- “What amazing things will I experience with this woman!?“
- and not: “I hope I finally score with this woman! I have to make a good impression! 😨 I’m so nervous that this may actually happen… OMG I’m sweating so much… 😱🤯“
And what if she rejects you?
That can really happen. But you feel so much bigger than the whole process, that it’s nothing to you. You still stay in that ‘feeling bigger’ mindset and identity. And actually, rejections will grow your understanding of dating and relationships to have more success next time.
Remember that subject you thought about before.
If you fail once, what? Nothing! Nothing happens, because you’re way over it. You don’t suddenly become a bad piano player, or a bad writer, or a bad martial artist, if you were already a master or close to mastery! It’s absurd just to think about it! 🙂
But, ok… really… What if she rejects me?
You know what: again, it is possible that she rejects you.
And I’ll even tell you, that especially at the beginning, rejection is even probable. Not saying it will happen, but you have to be prepared in case it happens. So, why? Why is a rejection probable? Because your subconscious still needs your confirmation that you have really changed.
It usually goes like this:
- You start to “feel bigger” than dating girls you like.
- You approach a girl you like and do things right to level up with her.
- She still rejects you.
Why does that happen?
Because your subconscious mind is still waiting for a conscious command about your new identity. In other words:
How will you react to that first rejection?
Precisely the way you react to a rejection, gives your subconscious mind proof that you have changed, that you are now way over it. That you can get almost any girl you like.
You have to decide: no, I don’t care about that particular rejection, I AM that version of myself who has success with women. And believe it!
“Oh, she rejected me… That must mean I didn’t change after all…”
No! Your subconscious is waiting for your confirmation.
The consequences of understanding this will amaze you. Then, suddenly, you will see how you get almost no rejections.
And there are even better news: you don’t even have to experience this in “physical reality”. You can just visualize it, too.
You can confirm that new version of yourself in your own mind in meditation.
However, ultimately, you can’t hide in meditation.
The point of life is to be lived!
If you sighed of relief when I said you could do all this in meditation, that means you still harbor emotional resistances to rejection. That means, you are still not your preferred self.
Eventually you will have to interact with other real people… and enjoy the results!
So eventually you will also be faced with a rejection, but since you are a master, since you feel bigger than success and rejections, it won’t hinder your success.
Successful dating mindset: guaranteed results.
Feeling bigger than dating doesn’t mean everything will be roses.
Let’s say you are an amazing MMA fighter. Many fear facing you. Some try to prove they’re great by trying to beat you. You are so powerful that you don’t even think about how powerful you are. You just focus on improving because you like it.
Some of those opponents will actually beat you once in awhile. And sometimes you will feel good about it, indifferent about it… And other times it will suck!!!
But even those losses won’t mean you are a bad fighter. If you were really in the mindset “I’m great” and everyone thought so, that won’t change overnight. Maybe that will change over time if you let those loses to get in your head and change your daily habits.
But you’re not that easily manipulated, are you?
Losing a fight just means the other is also very good. Or that he had a lucky day. Or that you had a bad day. Or all of that combined.
Now, please don’t mix fighting with dating. I just used it as a parallelism. I could have used cooking good/bad dishes. Or studying for a test. Or music and compositions and songs.
This isn’t a competition. Most people will associate fighting with separation and dating with union.
You want romantic and sexual relationships because you seek union, connection, being together, being one. You are not facing an opponent! You are facing potential love.
Release that emotional resistance you might have towards connection with women. Go for it! Just go for the version of that situation in a way that you like. The one where you feel bigger than success or failure. Don’t even think in those terms!
Focus on giving love and making each other lives better.
That does not mean losing your identity in the process! You can also give love through having fun, letting others have fun with you, being interesting, being a role model… That alone will help you move mountains when it comes to feeling bigger than dating attractive women.
I love playing the drums. When playing, I want the other musicians to be at ease and the audience to have a blast. Yet I think I’m the person having the most fun!! And even though I’m not the guitarist… 😀 I can tell you that is very attractive to women.
You can really get to a point where most of your life runs like that, even while doing more normal “boring” activities.
So please, tell me, what are your experiences so far with feeling underwhelmed by things others find overwhelming?
I’m sure just writing about it will help you focus on it and transfer those feelings to dating girls. So leave me a comment below.
Have a great day!