What is the default behavior you must have to attract girls? The traits of the alpha male are attractive to women because they bring you success in life.
But first, don’t obsess with it. The alpha-beta distinction as a 1-0 state is false. There is no red-pill v. blue-pill. Because attraction is not black or white. There are a lot of shades of grey in-between.
You choose how much alpha you want to be by doing certain things instead of other things.
Most men are average, they do some things right and some things wrong. Then there’s the overthinksheep who has a terrible mindset and does almost everything wrong. Then there are magnetic guys who attract girls’ eyeballs without effort.
You can go from zero to magnetic beast, by learning what makes you attractive. So, do you want to learn how to be an alpha male that attract girls naturally?
This is the first post of a series that covers The Three Behaviors to attract girls:
- Behavior 1 —Confidence.
- Behavior 2 —Protection. How to Attract Women by Being Protective.
- Behavior 3 —Making her feel desired. How to Make a Girl Horny.
In this post we’ll focus on the first behavior, which is all about having a life you’re excited about. Think of it as the default behavior that you display most of the time. The one you come back to after “showing” one of the other two.
How to Be an Alpha Male
Let’s start by reviewing the definition of the first behavior:
I like to sum up that description in this concept: Your own life first.
You have a life. You have a life that fulfills you even without “that particular girl”. Not only that, your life fulfills you so much that you don’t change it or lose your precious time in order to get a girl. You don’t follow her like a puppy. You don’t change your opinion just because she doesn’t agree with you.
I failed at this time and time again. When I didn’t like a girl, I acted very alpha (with her) without thinking about it. But when I had a crush, I was like:
— (me) I love pasta.
— (her) Everyone likes pasta. That’s food for people without taste buds.
— (me) Well, em… I like it but I’m not eating it all day… em…
Those little changes of opinion are attraction killers. Because they show your lack of confidence even with the little stuff.
You may think: “well, I hesitate with little stuff like that, but I don’t change my opinion so easily about more important life goals“.
It’s actually the other way around! Because when you have clear goals for your life, you don’t care about what others think of you.
It doesn’t matter who that girl is. NO ONE.
Not because of you acting stubborn. You should of course listen to reasoned arguments.
You don’t care about other’s stupid opinions because you understand there are literally millions of women out there that like you. And also because many times it’s just a test to see if you’re confident.
My first encounter with this principle was when I was 13, and started ignoring a schoolmate who was too curvy for her age. She was really hot. For some reason I got tired of her and withdrew my attention. Suddenly, she started to call for it back. Back then I wasn’t aware of what I was doing, so unconsciously started to pay too much attention to her again without escalating. I ended up friendzoned.
But I learned the power of Your Own Life First. Learn it now:
More than money.
More than looks.
More than any other virtue or power that makes you a leader in a social group.
That’s why I always say that getting a nice hot girlfriend is not about becoming a rockstar. It’s proven, over and over. That confidence is the key to be alpha.
It is KING.
Confidence is the most important factor, and the most difficult to APPLY for us men, because our brains are wired in a different way than women’s.
We are attracted to very different things, so don’t just think “OK, got it, this is important”. Make your best to try and imagine yourself in the mind of a woman who gets rejected by an alpha male for being mean or disrespectful to him. Then she feels attracted to that man. Thinking: “wow he’s a real man, I want to be around him more.”
Remember that even studies show that confidence is the #1 trait women are attracted to.
As an alpha male, you don’t seek for validation from others before pursuing anything.
You are respectful and kind, but your needs come before those of others because you don’t rely on others. You are responsible for your success. Others willingly help you because you provide value to them. You lead and create your own life. You lead interactions and always try to create the outcome you want using your intelligence and skill.
You know yourself. Your flaws and strengths. So opinions from others don’t really matter much to you unless they can make you grow.
The alpha male doesn’t hide his intentions because there’s nothing to hide. The alpha male only accepts respectful women who can give him what he wants.
It all boils down to having clear, defined WHYs of everything you do. Your career, your goals, your hobbies, your thoughts, your passions, your habits, the people you care about, the way you approach… everything.
Girls are constantly attracted to jerks who disagree with them.
The Value of The Alpha Male
As you interact with women, you’ll see women you care about and respect you who need your help and protection —behavior 2. You’ll also perceive the signs that you have to move forward —behavior 3. After protecting or escalating, you know you “come back” to Behavior 1 and stay busy with your stuff.
Because the your own life first behavior defines your VALUE as a man.
NOT the things you have or how you are now. Those will eventually come as a consequence of your mindset, behavior and actions.
In other words, a “normal guy” who is working his butt off, has clear goals, works out, has a blast when he can, and doesn’t have time for crap is WAY more alpha (and attractive) than the dumb spoiled rich kid trying to win her by showing off. Nothing against rich people. Better if you are rich of course. I use that example because the first guy will most likely achieve and keep success. Whereas the second guy’s future is more blurry.
It boils down to knowing yourself, accepting yourself, knowing your goals in life, your weaknesses and strengths. Not giving two craps about criticism or admiration from others because you already know what’s important. Not waiting for approval before going after anything you want.
Throughout my step-by-step free course, you’ll learn the guidelines that show how to be an alpha male. But I want to give you a checklist with all those elements of value.
These are not in order of importance. But the first two are the two most important ones because they will bring you happiness. The rest are the “tools” to make that happen. Let’s see:
- Have strong reasons behind your actions. Work hard for your goals in life motivated by powerful WHYs and never change them because of need or fear. Never change them because you desperately need approval from a girl. Never change them because of fear of rejection.
- ALWAYS have fun. Have fun working toward your goals. Even though you have to work hard for the goals that constantly improve your life, you also need to reward yourself. Not only for your achievements, but for your hard work too. If you’re not having fun you’re also showing that you don’t know what true hard work is. That you don’t have goals worth fighting for… Or that you have them but need, fear, or lack of self-discipline are keeping you from pursuing them. So don’t go out with the sole intent of picking up girls (extremely important.) Go out to have fun and you’ll meet and attract girls. Work hard, play hard.
- Be social. This trait is extremely attractive to women. I know it sucks if you’re an introvert. But you must develop your social skills. For example I’m very friendly and have a great time around all people, but I don’t love doing what most guys my age do. The good side is nowadays you can find like-minded people very easily. Networking and socializing breeds success. That’s why women are instinctively attracted to social males. If you have a hard time, ask me. But I’ll tell you the #1 rule for socializing: Don’t “expect” from people to give you. Assume they will and give first. (I’m talking in general: laughter, energy, help, etc.)
- Be demanding and selective. Be clear about what you want and don’t accept less than that. At all levels. Especially in committed relationships with women. Be honest and faithful to your WHYs in life —long term. But also in minor interactions with girls —short term.
- ALWAYS react positively. No matter how things go, you can always learn something or get anything worthwhile from it. So if something goes wrong, there’s NO reason to let a single negative emotion dominate your mind. At worst, use the 5 minute rule: If something pisses you off, allow yourself 5 minutes of anger. Don’t be arrogant. Be strong. Be firm. Be alpha. But being alpha is also very social, so you have to be kind and gentle. REALLY listen to what people are saying for advice and feedback. It is ultimately your decision to adjust your WHYs if logic tells you that you can improve.
- Be humble and responsible. A successful person doesn’t humiliate or take advantage of others. He is so successful that he doesn’t have to think about it. He knows the importance of having good social relationships that will help him directly or indirectly. Also, he is so confident about his value that doesn’t care if someone corrects him. In fact, thank those who correct you because they’re making you wiser.
- Don’t be afraid that people know your flaws. You have to be so confident about your value that you really don’t care about little flaws. Those are minor, sometimes temporary roadblocks in your life. Change the ones you don’t like and improve the things that can genuinely make your life better. But love yourself and even embrace your flaws because they are part of the unique person you are.
- Assume everything is going well. This is a very important mindset component. Not only it’s the most beneficial attitude because it makes you try. And there’s no other secret to success than improve your attempts at something. This attitude makes you more likely to succeed because you remove the fear and what ifs. But also, your interactions are probably going well since you’re learning how to do it right!
- Your non-verbal communication is very consistent and congruent with your verbal communication, and everything with your overall purpose or WHY. (Read this post for more.) So consistent that sometimes you only need gestures to express yourself. You are relaxed and confident with everyone. So for example when it’s time to escalate, you’re NOT afraid to kiss her, look deep into her eyes, touch her, etc.
- You are generous with your love and protection. You take care of the people close to you who have earned it with their respect and good attitude. You “protect” by default, but don’t need to give away your protection for free —for example when she’s disrespectful— to any random hot chick.
- You escalate without fear. Not too soon either, just at the right time because you’re relaxed but confident. When you’re with a girl who meets your requirements and you perceive her signs of interest, you level up the intimacy. Because it’s not only your right, but most importantly your role as a man.
I didn’t write down confidence as a point because confidence impregnates all of them. Confidence is tenacity and determination that arise from a feeling of certainty.
Being Alpha, Your Confidence and Value
To wrap this roundup on how to be an alpha male and develop Behavior 1, I’d like to cast some light on two very important aspects.
Your Value as a Man
Behavior 1 is tightly related to what in the PUA-seduction scene is known as Value. It’s not the same because The Core of Attraction is about the mindset and howto to attract and get girls. But it has many things in common. So here’s the thing:
Please don’t buy into all the PUA-BS to “show value”. Like DHVs —demonstrations of higher value, like casually dropping your high-end-car keys. Or negs —to devalue her, like “did you really try to get that hairstyle? Em…” Lines to seem super cool, and other short-term needy thinking like that.
The reason why I say this is very powerful. I’m shocked that those guys don’t get it.
Most of those techniques come from a basic understanding of how attraction works. That’s good. However the fact of using them puts you in a position of need. Because you use them TO GET A PARTICULAR GIRL, instead of really having a real life in which you attract women so they want to get you. I’ll cover this topic more extensively in the future.
Understanding the difference between these two approaches is critical. One way you’re getting dates out of faking. Then you don’t know what to do.
By actually attracting them and knowing how to keep them, you’re in control.
Long Term Value vs. Short Term Value
I’ve already talked about this but it has a place in this post.
You don’t have to become some sort of Bill Gates, Dan Bilzerian, or any playboy you think it’s successful. Please don’t lose your personality or try to imitate anyone, because your personality and experience makes you an unique human being.
Focus on developing the 11 traits avobe. Girls are attracted to them because those traits actually make you more successful. But apply them to your own life goals.
Once you start showing them in your day-to-day life, you won’t have time to sleep with all of the girls that will be attracted to you.
The point of this is so simple it will shock you:
If all you want is to get a girl right now, call a few friends or go to a social place where talk to other people. Go outside, have a blast and meet girls there. If you already have a decent level of “putting your own life first”, you can easily bang a girl tonight.
Creating attraction in women is super EASY. I’m not trying to sound too feelgood. I’ve been on the other side, and I really tell you. It’s freaking EASY, man.
I encourage you to go out asap. I want you to have success now, because once you get it you regret all the time lost. Get my premium posts if you still feel you need a step-by-step guide with the howto’s. Otherwise, just let me know your questions and let’s be alpha!
So, which of the 11 traits do you need to improve the most?