I remember many conversations in my teen years where girls seemed to get mad at me. Or I was so frustrated by the girls’ reactions that I would get mad. I had many great times but I also would get pissed off by my lack of control when talking to girls.
Having that lack of control not only is an attraction killer for girls. You lose motivation to approach and start talking to girls you like because you can’t expect a good outcome. You don’t have high-energy and the positive confident attitude that attracts women naturally.
Here, on The Core of Attraction you’re getting everything you need to attract women naturally, but today I want to focus on a very important aspect to better understand women.
Emotion and Logic
Everything we do happens at two levels:
- A deeper emotional level.
- A superior intellectual/logical level.
Our brains are wired as in layers, one being the emotional limbic system that we “share” to some extent with other mammals (dogs, dolphins, monkeys…) But then humans have the logical-intellectual neocortex.
What people neglect is how those two levels interact:
Because of their biological nature, women have a tendency to interpret the world through emotion. They actually feel others’ emotions and and better at socializing. The area of the brain dedicated to that is almost 3 times larger than the same in men. In contrast, men are more logical, and act upon certainty rather than emotions.
It’s not like you don’t have emotions and girls can’t act logically. But there’s a clear bias in the way men and women perceive the world. And in the way they communicate.
Now, here’s the biggie:
For example, check a reaction I remember from my kissless virgin years.
My crush asked me what was my favorite soccer team. I said: “I like FC Barcelona, but really I don’t have any.” She replied something along the lines of “you are dead inside.” I was shocked I tried to argument back. I tried to explain in many ways that I kinda liked soccer. And also that there was no relationship between being passionate about soccer and one’s emotions.
In other words, I was reeking need.
The “correct” answer would have been mocking her (not being a jerk obviously, but being a jerk is better than being needy as you’ve probably seen) or just plain ignoring her comment because I don’t give a crap about what she thinks of me.
And it not only happens by showing need. It’s the same if she sees you’re afraid to put her off.
Remember that Behavior 1 —confidence as willingness to let her go— is king.
I like to call it emotional short-circuit. Girls try to “emotionally short-circuit us” to see if we’re affected.
You have to adopt the number’s game mindset when attracting girls. Ironically, not-valuing individual women higher than you, is what makes them attracted to you.
Be Emotionally Intelligent
To become emotionally intelligent you have to:
- Perceive girls’ emotions. This seems really hard but it’s actually not. You already understand the basic human emotions (fear, anger, happiness, etc.) The girl-specific emotions are pretty easy too if you know the girl-human translator.
- Control your emotions. That requires two things: how you act and how you react. The most important part is how you react, because it’s what girls constantly test. So let’s review them.
Control How You React Emotionally
Controlling your reactions to what happens to you is more important than your actions themselves —to attract girls and be sociable and liked by others. Why? Because extreme reactions happen where you’re not in control.
Extreme negative and positive reactions.
Imagine you never play lottery. But tomorrow you’re offered to buy a ticket and the day after you win $5 million. OMG Amazing! Unbelievable! Your emotions skyrocket because of the unexpected positive event.
But now imagine you’re a seasoned businessman. A leader. You’re close to reach your goal of $ 5 million after years of hard work. You may think you’ll be as happy as if you win the lottery. But it’s different. I’ve talked to many successful businessmen and while they’re obviously glad to reach those goals, there’s no shock element. Because they’re in control and they’ve already gone through the 6 figure mark, the $ 1 million mark, etc.
This applies to any areas in life. And girls test those emotional reactions in order to know if you’re a leader or not.
Now I’m very proud to truly be in control of my emotions. But when I started to change my luck with women, I was very excited whenever I saw signs of interest from women.
I had to take special care that I did not do these things:
- Of course, neglecting The Three Behaviors in favor of fear and need.
- Being too emotional.
- Getting angry or hating women if I was rejected.
- Being super happy if I attracted girls.
- Having an unconditional crush.
- Wanting others to see me as a perfect human being that never fails.
- Getting discouraged if I said or did something wrong.
That is why sometimes, if you don’t know how to react, the best thing to do is ignoring the girl.
Ignoring her shows that you are in control of your emotions.
An attractive guy has an objective in mind, goes for it, tries the best he can, if he fails he doesn’t care, just learns from it, wipes his dust off and keeps going strong.
But in addition to your reactions, there’s another element to controlling your emotions. That is your actions.
How you Act and Communicate
Remember when I showed you the signs she’s interested in you, I talked about Emotional Relevance. That is:
Check out that post if you haven’t. Using those elements in your communication will allow you to connect with your emotional part, instead of talking always so logically. You’ll start to see how girls are much more receptive to talking to you, and more open to share personal stuff with you without even asking.
As far as your attitude, remember:
Confidence and certainty are helped by knowledge and experience. But in the end they are emotional states too. By all means, always improve your knowledge. But by all means too, always be confident.
Two guys know the same about cars. But the one that is confident in his statements. The one who doesn’t fill his speech with “I think”, “maybe”, “what if…” etc. is the most convincing one.
—”But what if the “convincing guy” is actually wrong??” —you may ask.
Being confident has nothing to do with being able to say: “oh, ok. I didn’t know that, thanks for letting me know” because now you are wiser.
Wrapping it up
You have to remember that girls are more emotional. So it’ll be very wise of you to improve your emotional intelligence.
Because you will attract more girls and communicate much better. Not to mention you’ll be in control of your emotions —that alone is worth the world.
But remember that girls are not 100% emotional. They are logical, the same way you have emotions too. So when they use reason and logic while talking to you, by all means reward that and engage in logical reasoning too.
So I hope by now you are a bit more emotionally intelligent. Or at least you have learned why you need to control your emotions and how to improve in that area.
Tell me. What is your most amazing experience of logic vs. emotion?