Porn Addiction and PIED: The Best Way to Recover

On May 6, 2019, In Guides & How-To's by .

porn addiction pied header

I want to give you my best possible advice to recover from porn addiction and porn-induced erectile dysfunction (PIED).

A few years back I wrote a huge post that got great feedback on how I recovered from porn addiction and PIED. I have learned a lot in the meantime, and I want to highlight a few ideas that have helped me even more.

BTW, I’m no medical expert, just talking from my experience, knowledge and research. So if you think this doesn’t apply to you, just go to a doctor.

First of all, let’s start with the very basics:

How to Recover from Porn Addiction and Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction (PIED)

Unless you have a rare medical issue, if you suffer from PIED it’s because you watched too much porn. And, statistically speaking, you probably are just fine, a normal man.

I won’t go into detail why this is so because I have already covered that.

To sum it up: our brains are not prepared for the huge amount of –apparently– desirable women we have today.

Even if they are not “real”. Even if they are just pixels on a screen.

katie kox pixelated

A part of your brain thinks those are actual women ready to have sex with you.

At first, that makes you super excited. Having an orgasm is so pleasurable that you come back to it again. You repeat this hundreds, maybe thousands of times with these super-hot women, just ready for you.

Now, when you go have sex with a “boring” regular woman, part of your brain says: this sucks compared to the foursome you had yesterday, you know, in front of the computer screen!! In a way, that part of your brain thinks “why bother?” and doesn’t command your penis to get up.

We could talk about dopamine release, neurotransmitters, neural pathways and the limbic system. But I think I already covered a very basic yet decent approximation to the issue.

You could also watch this fantastic video from the creator of yourbrainonporn.com:

Since your PIED is most likely due to excess porn in your life, the main thing here is just stop watching porn.

Now, in case your answer to that is: I already tried quitting porn… I just… Can’t!!!

Then we’re probably talking about porn addiction.

Addiction doesn’t mean your life is 100% ruled and ruined by it. It mainly means you actually would like to quit but you can’t or don’t know how.

So quitting porn will be our main interest.

Then, almost “magically” (not really) you’ll gain your natural erection and desire for real women back.

How much time to recover from porn addiction and PIED

The main concern guys who message me about this have is:

“I’m so worried man, No-PMOing for 2 weeks and it’s not getting up!”

And I am like: “…”

They are worried because they think recovery is going to be instantaneous. Maybe after two or three weeks after quitting porn.

No. In general it’s not like that.

You’ll probably have to endure for a few months, until your brain circuitry rewires itself to natural stimuli coming from real women… That is normal! So you better have a good strategy.

And that’s my purpose with this article.

How to Stop Porn Addiction

If you are young, healthy and have ED, porn addiction is probably the cause of it (otherwise, go to the doctor.)

Or maybe you don’t have PIED, but you can get it if you continue masturbating too much to porn.

But porn is so prevalent –it’s everywhere!– that it is hard to just stop watching porn –and masturbating to it.

I’ve spoken to many, many guys who just can’t stop. I’ve myself experienced that secret addiction.

So I’m going to share my personal strategy.

For even more strategies, you can check my first article. I’m going to share what has worked best for me. I think that is the best approach. I’ll explain why.

Let’s start with the very basics. Take this seriously and don’t skip anything:

Decide

What is your real intention? Any of the following?

  • I want to be healthy and have normal erections.
  • I want to quit porn and be healthy and free to have sex with different women.
  • I want to enjoy having sex with my girlfriend / wife.
  • I want to keep watching porn, but maybe just once in awhile, not every day.

The initial decision or intention is the part that most guys don’t get it right.

Yet, this first step is crucial. I would even say it’s the most important step.

It is the most important step because it defines everything else.

I’m not talking about a wishy-washy “it would be nice if…”

I’m talking about a firm decision that begins a new chapter in your life. There’s no plan B. In fact, you are so firm about it, that you are relaxed and looking forward to it.

  • If your firm intention is “to be healthy and have normal erections”, then you will do anything to achieve just that. If it gets easier, then great! If it gets tough, then so what, I’m all-in.
  • If your firm intention is “to quit porn and have sex with many women”, then you will delete your entire porn collection and focus on real women. You start going on dates or build your attractiveness and skill to attract women.
  • If your firm intention is “to enjoy having sex with your girlfriend / wife”, then you will probably delete all of your porn and focus on meeting the woman of your dreams.
  • If your firm intention (by whatever reason) is “to keep masturbating to porn, casually” then you may want to take a progressive approach. Maybe you watch porn daily, so you start setting limits. First, you skip one day per week. Once you’re comfortable at that level, lower it to three days per week. Then, one day a week. Then, release any restrictions and see how much. I still don’t recommend this as a goal, though.

These are just examples on how a different intention involves somewhat similar, but ultimately different approaches.

What would be a good integral approach for your goal?

Not just in regards to porn, but an overall life goal.

Sometimes you subconsciously have a good intention that can carry your change for the better. But that is almost a game of chance.

So to ensure success, you should (must) consciously decide.

Stop now. And decide, now. You can add or remove details to your decision tomorrow.

It has been shown that decisive people outperform the excessive planners.

I encourage you to write it down in a paper. Go grab it now. It gets you moving forward. You can edit it later.

Now, with a firm intention, you just have to do “some stuff” that comes with your decision.

But it is done. You’re porn-free.

Isn’t that great? 😉

Be specific with your decision to quit porn

I was going to include this as an extra tip, but it’s so important I made it a section.

Be very specific with the limits you allow yourself to cross. And if you cross any of those boundaries, then restart the challenge.

Why?

So you can avoid blurred lines. An undefined boundary is easy to cross because you don’t know where it starts or ends. Don’t give you much room to doubt about what you can and cannot do. Otherwise you will get aroused and escalating to watching porn eventually.

For instance: “I won’t look at porn” is a crappy rule.

You only think about actually watching porn in certain moments and situations. Then, one day, you find yourself browsing pics of Instagram models making sexy poses. That’s practically porn, man.

However, take this list for example:

  • I won’t actively seek porn in any way.
  • I won’t actively seek any sexual stimuli, like models on Instagram or Snapchat, forums with sexy threads, etc.
  • If someone I know sends me a triggering picture or video on a messenger app, that’s fine, I won’t count it as a relapse. I will watch it the minimum amount needed (so probably won’t even watch it) and delete it.
  • I’m not allowed to masturbate at all (even without porn) for the first 30 days. Then, I’ll re-evaluate if I allow myself to do that.
  • I can / cannot (you decide) have sex with my girlfriend for 30 days.
  • [5 more rules like these]

This list is specific. It still doesn’t cover every possible scenario in the Universe lol, but don’t worry, it is much more helpful and it defines your overall attitude.

You don’t have to spend 3 days considering every imaginable situation. You can always add more rules later. But start on the right foot.

Now, a pro tip:

Pro tip: Don’t start with a huge long-term challenge.

I don’t consider this to be vital, but strongly recommend it anyway. And this is why:

It is true that on my first no-PMO challenge, I just stopped fapping for 100+ days. If you can do it, then by all means just do that.

But that’s not normal, not even for me. With other challenges I’ve started with 30-day ones and then expanded from that.

Brain power is limited. Willpower is limited. And it is especially limited when quitting from a strong addiction. So go easy on yourself. You will extend your 30-day challenge to a 90-day one. Then to a 1-year one if you want, etc. But don’t plan so far ahead now.

Focus strongly on what you can do now.

Your only plan is your unbendable decision to quit porn and live the great life you prefer.

You just focus on your current challenge. After successfully completing it, then you decide what’s next, from your own experience and common sense.

Important note on Habits

Many guys want to stay in their old routine and still break a solid PMO addiction. That just doesn’t work that way. Changing a habit works differently.

We are not exactly “losing a habit”.

Yes, we’re losing it… But in the sense that we’re actually swapping our old habits for better, new ones.

Our habits work following a pattern similar to this (from The Power of Habit):

porn addiction habit cycle

You are going to be triggered. Maybe it’s by spotting a hot chick in a tight dress. You may watch a YouTube video or an Instagram post with some sexy action. Or it may be something silly like being undisturbed alone at home at 18:00 p.m.

You can (and should) taper off any sexual stimuli (browsing sexy posts, etc.) but eventually, you will be triggered somehow.

Think about recent times you watched porn… How did it start? Can you find a pattern? There’s a trigger there.

So what should you do when that happens?

You have to change the Routine you follow after the triggering. That way, you will get a different Reward that doesn’t come from orgasming to porn.

habit cycle good

But we are not changing “fapping to porn” for “playing the piano”. That’s just weird 😀

We are choosing activities easy to do instead that reward us in a better way.

For example, let’s say you usually fap to porn after going to the gym where there is this hot girl and you get frustrated. You want someone like her in your life. You want to feel loved and good sex.

Subconsciously, fapping to porn gives you a substitute reward. It gives you sex and some emotional rest.

However, let’s say you join daily meetups, or start a band, or join a gym with group activities. You also keep reading my articles and improve your social skills 🙂 Then you start feeling you belong with other people. It may not be the intense feeling of love from a girl you really like, but there is a constant flow of appreciation in your direction.

And for the sex part of the reward, let’s say you meditate on it (like I did) or find an alternative, like chocolate.

I’m not saying you have to do those crappy examples. I want to explain how habits work.

To me, it has gotten relatively easy to meditate, visualize that I have what I want, or do other more advanced techniques, and that gives me rest and enjoyment.

If something like that doesn’t make the urge to fap to go away, don’t fret! I was there too. You can find a more physical substitute activity (maybe doing pushups, taking a walk, taking a shower, or writing to your accountability partner.)

You have to do something that you want to do, like to do, and resonates with you.

From that new perspective you will, very quickly, forget about fapping to porn.

Preparatory actions

Remember: I’m sharing what I know WORKS for me and other men. There’s no filler here. And the following is equally important:

Another big mistake people make when trying to recover from porn addiction and PIED is to leave it all to willpower.

Big, BIG mistake.

In order to change your habits, on top of your decision, you must make it easy.

As Frederick Dodson says in his book, Parallel Universes of Self:

“Raw willpower only works if unbending persistence and hard work is behind it. Otherwise it will just produce more of the habit and end in resignation.”

Now I’ll share an idea that works, that I got from Steve Pavlina about his 30-day trials (not related to porn addiction.)

When changing a habit, he distinguishes three stages. I don’t want to sound like a parrot, but this is really useful:

  1. early game
  2. middle game
  3. end game

The point of this strategy is to make your habit-changing process A LOT easier. Let me explain:

By reading this very article, you probably are in your early game. You are educating yourself and starting to plan how to tackle this issue.

Your middle game aims at making a bunch of bigger changes in a shorter period of time. Now you are using your willpower intelligently. You are using your short burst of willpower energy for a few days to pave the way and turn your goal into a smoother and easy ride.

paving road

This is how to do it:

Make a list of 10 to 20 actions (or more) that will make it easy for you to change.

Set a specific deadline to finish those actions (very important). They shouldn’t take you much more than 3 days to finish off.

For example, these are some actions I have myself done:

  • Make a list of 50 reasons why I want to quit porn and have an awesome sex life and love life.
  • Join the nofap forum. I actually recommend joining but not spending too much time on forums, because at times I find too much of a negative vibe or mindset from some of the guys dwelling on sad stories. If I’m at peace with my past, I only care about the present and the future, and I suggest you do the same. But there’s great people on there too and the philosophy behind it is beneficial.
  • Find one to three accountability partners (there’s a section on most no-fap forums, reddit, etc.), and report daily to them, or the moment you feel triggered and an urge to masturbate to porn.
  • Set recurring daily reminders on Google Calendar of different reasons why I’m doing this (especially the positive aspects of it) to get notified on my phone.
  • Start a journal on a forum and write on it every day, focusing on what I want to achieve –and not on “how hard it is”.
  • Search and watch a few videos on how to overcome addictions (here’s a great one), make notes and use that knowledge.
  • Write down the steps of a daily meditation session that will help me.
  • Make a list of positive rewards after every successful day, or after overcoming urges to PMO if you have them. Really make sure I enjoy those rewards –because they’ll reinforce your new self.

These are just examples that I actually did.

Be creative and list tasks that you feel will make it easier for you.

For instance, I also recorded one of the meditation scripts (with a decent mic I have) and I would listen to it when I felt like it.

Very important: finish off those steps in about 3 to 5 days max (except the daily ones).

Great! Now… You can go for it!

With a good early and middle game, the endgame will be a piece of cake.

You won’t have to rely on willpower, because you made it easier for yourself on many different levels, externally and internally.

Please, for your own good, trust me in the importance of doing this just as I described.

Focus, focus, focus (on what you prefer and admire)

wait…

FOCUS!!!

In my view, this is the most important part to recovery, so pay attention.

I was fascinated when I heard the story of the US soldiers that suddenly lost their heroin addiction (!) upon returning home.

In fact, 95 percent (!!!) of the addicted soldiers in Vietnam did not keep addicted (to heroin!) when they returned to the United States. That is SHOCKING, compared to normal addicts, with relapse rates around 90%.

Good news is, I’m going to tell you how they did it… Which happens to be the way I quit PMO… So you can lose your PMO addiction, lose PIED, and get your erections back.

You don’t have to move anywhere, by the way –unless you want to 🙂

I’m not going to scientifically analyze the aspects of addiction in the basal ganglia, limbic system, or anything like that. I’m actually an industrial engineer and very scientifically oriented. But I also appreciate some authors of so-called spiritual knowledge.

While scientists were scratching their heads trying to figure out how something like the Vietnam heroin addiction could happen (and it is great that they do so, since it is a valid and helpful point of view) mystics, since thousands of years ago, have a direct understanding of what is happening.

But I’m not going to bore you with that. I’m going to tell you how to quit porn in a practical way.

Focus on your porn-addiction free “identity”

Vietnam veterans lost their addiction not because Vietnam is so different than the USA. Not because their habits were different. Not because a disrupted cueing pattern left them time to more consciously rethink their actions before the next shot. Not because they were so busy working that they didn’t have time to search for drugs.

All of those causes can be relevant, but the cause is deeper –and simpler, too.

They lost their addiction –and you will too– because they had a different identity.

They were being different people. They had the same body and probably the same name, except for maybe a war-waging nickname… But they were expressing a different aspect of their personality. In Vietnam, compared to the USA, they had different connections, different habits, different routines, different friends, different goals and motivations, and many more different aspects of their lives.

Don’t overcomplicate this this nitty-gritty details. I’m just pointing out that they woke up, spent the day and went to sleep with different goals, thoughts and moods.

We humans express different parts of our personality and experience different thoughts and moods depending on the circumstances, the people around us, if we are in our day-to-day or on that trip, etc.

So you could ask yourself: which aspect of me am I being when watching and masturbating to porn?

And… Who do you prefer to be?

Then, just choose the version of yourself that you prefer and BE it.

Not in 5 or 10 years. You will change over time, yes. And that’s great! But, who do you prefer to be now?

That aspect of you doesn’t even care too much about porn and porn addiction and all of that crap.

I know it sound counter-intuitive, but in my opinion, I wouldn’t even focus a lot on “how PMO is such a big problem and I must fight against it”.

That mindset focuses too much on “there is this big issue”.

If you just bring out an aspect of you where you do what you enjoy, busy all day, doing this and that, sports, work, study, learning, creative… and don’t think about PMO even for one minute… Well… You just did quit PMO! 😀

The best (literally mean, BEST) way to “fight it” is to forget about it and focus on what you want instead.

  • I’m not saying you are not allowed to have memories of your PMO past.
  • I’m not saying you should secretly hope to masturbate to porn again when “it’s not longer a problem”.
  • I’m not saying you should fake liking stuff you don’t like to fill the void left by PMO.

On the contrary! Don’t lie to yourself. Don’t lose contact with reality.

Forgetting means you know you had a problem, but you don’t even think too much about it.

Your life will get so stabilized around your new activities that keep you motivated and enthusiastic, that PMO will literally be a fuzzy memory of the past.

Even many techniques to quit PMOing will feel a bit like a drag to the momentum you are creating towards your new exciting goals, because they point your attention towards PMO again.

I’m not saying “don’t do anything to quit PMO”. I am saying, do what makes sense to you. Spending hours debating on a low-vibe forum is probably not one of them. Or maybe it is! It was certainly for me at some point. But as I progressed, I realized I wanted to do more exciting stuff that kept me motivated!

On my last no-PMO challenge, I started a journal and kept emailing my accountability partner. But other than that, I kept interactions on the forums to a minimum.

Actually, even reading this very article as “something I have to do to get rid of my porn addiction” is counterproductive.

Why?

Because you are still viewing your life from an identity that has porn addiction and PIED!

Are you getting it?

That is probably not the identity you want. You want to BE a person that doesn’t even have or remember too much about this problem.

Then start being it. NOW.

Not tomorrow. Not when you finish this or that challenge.

I’ve read so many (seriously, SO MANY) reports of PMO-addicted guys hoping that they will get an erection after 90 days. They are postponing their success until after something happens.

I also had that mindset years ago. But that does not work.

I’m here, telling you, from experience, what works.

If this is too much for you, then, ok, no problem. Follow the regular plan! It is a plan, after all. See? Keep it simple. If you are very confused, following a plan will make you improve as it did with me, too.

So, what about my previous recommendations, like the preparatory actions? Aren’t those viewed still from the viewpoint that “I’m still addicted to PMO”?

Yes, that is true.

Very good if you already noticed that 😉

Even doing these actions assumes you are still addicted. However, not doing anything and just focusing on the life you prefer can be challenging. That is why these actions serve as a bridge.

Think for a minute, relax and don’t try to prove anything to anyone other than you. Is “just releasing my attention from PMO and focusing on what I prefer” too challenging for you?

If it is, I still recommend those preparatory steps, because they will, very quickly, help you getting into that identity you prefer.

happy smiley

Just limit the actions that presuppose you are a sad victim of porn addiction. Populate your list with actions that will make it easier to enter the version of yourself that you choose to be.

For example:

  • Do not make one of those actions: “write every day 10 reasons why porn sucks so bad”. Do make it: “write every day 1 reasons why I remember (as “in the past”) porn sucks, and 10 reasons why my life is getting more amazing every day”.
  • Do not make one of those actions: “get a sad, depressed accountability partner who is constantly relapsing and lamenting his life”. Do make it: “get a great, motivated accountability partner, close to full recovery, excited about his life”. I’m not saying depressed guys don’t deserve help. On the contrary, they deserve even more help. I know it first-hand! Also, there is a time for complaint and sadness. But to actually quit PMO, on a practical level, they would benefit more from reading this article instead of festering on more negativity.
  • Do not make one of those actions: “asking questions on a forum every day”. Do make it: “I’ll write and help others with my own success every day.”

Still, other preparatory actions are still relevant, like deleting your porn folders (or porn hard drives :D) or changing the usual place where your use your computer, since there is nothing to hide now.

Don’t force it, do what feels natural to you from this aspect of your identity.

Un-focus from PMO. Focus on what you prefer and reinforce it.

Now you just have to be the version of yourself that you like the most!

It’s not complicated, being is something natural for all of us. You always ARE.

Just like you are a little bit different in environment A vs. environment B. Or like a method actor plays his roles. Or like kids completely immerse themselves in their fun pretend stories while playing. The only difference is that you are not an intergalactic soldier battling aliens. It’s not pretend. You are just focusing on an aspect of yourself that you actually enjoy.

But the process is the same. And it is easy.

You can bring up that aspect of you by remembering memories that feel good. Or just by imagining what feels good to you. And then, focus on it and make it expand.

I’ll give you a few more specifics:

Reinforce

First of all, take advantage of the opportunities you’ll find that reinforce your new identity.

Let’s say you are offered to go to a party. Before, you would have said no. Now, you decided one of the aspects of your identity is “to be very social” because that idea feels good to you, so you will say yes to the party (because going to that specific party feels good to you.)

Let’s say you thought “I will start dating again when I recover from PIED”. That was before. Now, the idea of start socializing more without expecting to get a date specifically feels good to you. So you start socializing more and that serves you as a great motivator to really forget about porn.

Let’s say you always wanted to play the piano, but never did. You see an offer for a good piano and you can afford it. You were waiting for this and that to happen first. Don’t wait. Now, you say yes and buy the piano. Playing the piano is so rewarding that hours go by so quickly you don’t even thought about PMOing.

I think you get it 😉

Don’t overthink, just grab those opportunities.

Reward

Reward your new life as much as you want and are able to.

Don’t do it in a crappy scientifically-strict way like: “oh, I avoided PMOing after being triggered by that sexy picture, I’m going to eat chocolate.” 😆

I mean, you can do that too.

But mainly: just have a blast.

Who said this had to be a struggle?

Someone struggling, perhaps?

I take all of this very seriously, with earnest determination. But that doesn’t take away the fun!

I bought a new digital piano, went on a trip and did many, many other rewarding things during my last no-PMO challenge.

Food, shows, travel, games, sports, music, things you really want to buy or have, social gatherings… There are literally infinite things to do besides PMO.

Break your porn habit pattern and reward yourself with something you really like!

Pro tip: By the way, I really like travel. And I encourage you to travel just a bit more. Because even very-low-cost travel allows you to experience a new place. It breaks your day-to-day “pattern” in a liberating way. Also, you can easily be more social (especially if you have been a bit reclusive) and the different setting gives you a gut-feeling understanding of what it is to have a different life –like the Vietnam veterans upon return.

Extreme control of your habits

Do you feel you just can’t control yourself when triggered by porn?

I’m going to teach you an exercise that will end this. This will blow your mind because it’s so simple yet extremely effective.

The idea is to switch your old reality and your new reality back and forth, mentally.

The exercise goes like this: in 1 minute intervals, shift your identity back and forth between the old one and your new one. Aim at feeling it, try to feel what you are thinking about. Spend at least 20 minutes doing this per session.

I’ll describe it with an example:

  1. Mentally enter your old reality: you are masturbating to porn. (How do you feel?)
  2. Mentally enter your new reality: you see porn but do nothing about it. (How do you feel?)
  3. Old reality: you are masturbating to porn.
  4. New reality: you remember porn addiction as something distant.
  5. Old reality: you are masturbating to porn.
  6. New reality: you are doing an activity that represents your new life (for example, doing something with your girlfriend.)
  7. etc.

By doing this you are exercising your control over your habits and reinforcing your new life.

You can do this on meditation / visualization, writing… or in any way that feels natural to you.

To do it mentally, choose a relaxed environment, close your eyes and visualize those situations in 1 minute intervals.

You already know how to play out your “old reality”. As for the “new reality” part, you don’t need to play the piano for an hour, if that is one of your new identity realities. You just have to exercise the new activity until you feel it: “ok, I clearly understand and feel a difference.”

I personally use an audio I prepared with a 1-minute-interval bell sound. You can download it here if you want. (I also use it for many other meditations.)

As a final note on this exercise, finish focusing on your new reality, and with a good feeling about it, totally immersed in that good mood.

Managing “failure”

What do you do if you fail? What do you do if you make a “mistake” and masturbate to porn? What do you do if you relapse into porn addiction? What do you do if you wanted to recover from PIED in a month and you feel no improvement after 90 days?

You go back to intensely focus on negativity and lamenting how sad life is… Right?

By know you start to see how dumb that is.

If you feel really sad or angry, let the energy out. Don’t resist those thoughts. Just don’t get too carried away by those negativity thoughts. Why? Because a negative-focused life needs an escape, so those negative thoughts will drag you down to PMO again. Instead, let the energy out, but once you are feeling a bit more relaxed, maybe the next day, keep going with your wonderful progress so far.

If you fail, you just release the energy, learn from it and continue focusing on your new life that you enjoy a lot more.

[Obviously, don’t use this understanding as an excuse to let porn addiction again in your life. If you keep relapsing, you are doing something wrong.]

My point is that you have to be easy on yourself. Focusing too much on the negative again means you are still giving it relevance. If you ARE your preferred self, PMO is not relevant anymore, right?

Most people think: “But I have to give it relevance! I really want to get rid of this!” and they assume because they are focusing a lot and thinking a lot about how to “solve it” they will find a great solution.

There are no magical solutions.

Well, this approach you are learning is the closest to a magical solution you will find, in the sense that it’s a bit counter-intuitive to most people yet it produces stunning results.

I’m not saying this is the only solution; I’m saying it works.

And it works precisely through making porn less and less relevant in your life (a life that gets your undivided attention.)

So what happens if you fail (watch porn and masturbate)? Here’s an outline:

  1. PMO.
  2. You start focusing on the negative: “oh man… this sucks… not again… I’m never gonna…”
  3. Stop it!
  4. You realize you’re being dumb and decide to change that, because prefer to be smart.
  5. Achieve some sense of neutrality about what just happened: “ok, I’ll stop feeling sorry for myself. I’m improving a lot. I’ve enjoyed a super long streak without looking at porn at all. This is just a minor setback! I have to keep doing this. Also, masturbating occasionally is normal and natural. I’m not finding excuses. I’m making big changes and I revel in the feeling of control I have over my own life. I love being in control of my sexuality and when I enjoy it. I am making increasingly better choices about it. Now, I’m going to talk to my accountability partner. Also, I’ll double down on going to the gym (or meditating, or whatever works for you) because I really like it and that is helping me a lot.” You enjoy the feeling of relief about all of this.
  6. You close your eyes and reinforce your new identity. “This is the new me.”
  7. You feel great about it.

Congratulations! You’ve moved on to better things in just a matter of minutes.

That was an example, but you get the idea. You quickly went from a negative mindset and feeling to a positive one. NOW you are in a mentally and emotionally calm state to make changes if necessary, or just keep being awesome. That’s it.

How much time do you think porn is going to stay with you that way?

This probably will not be an overnight change (for most people.) It’s a long-term game, with some possible setbacks. But that’s ok, because you are not focused on “quitting” anything. Rather, you are focused on doing what you really like and enjoy.

Never quit doing this until your new habits are stable. You will get to a point where your attention naturally goes to the aspects of your life and your identity that you prefer to express.

Time is going to pass anyway! You may choose to use it wisely.

Pro tip: If you think this is nuts, makes little sense, or if you feel the idea of changing your identity overnight is too much for you (it’s really not overnight, because of the preparatory actions…) then test it for 1 to 3 days, with the idea that you can revert back to “normal” after the test. Play your new life and new identity out for 1 day. You will start to see and feel things differently. Then you may extend it to 3 days. See? Nothing bad happened! Actually, everything is better! You feel lighter and your mind is clearer. And you are enjoying more clarity about what to do next. You will be amazed at how quickly you start to forget about porn addiction and PIED.

Understand this: you will be a different person

Porn is not the only addiction I got rid of. I’ve lost a lot of weight in the past year. I ate too much crappy food as well and I was fat.

And when I’ve talked to others trying to get rid of excess weight or porn, I see the same faulty mindset.

They think along the lines of:

I want to be healthy and fit so I can eat eat cakes and pizza again. They’re so good! Yum!
I want to get rid of this porn addiction so I can do this extreme anal thing to a real girl. That’s so hot!

They think of what they want to achieve from their current viewpoint.

That is a mistake, period. An understandable one, but a mistake nonetheless. If you don’t agree or understand why it is a mistake, it is precisely because that mistake is coming from the viewpoint of reality that causes the addiction in the first place.

I’m not telling you that you can’t do these things…

I’m telling you that you probably won’t even have a strong desire to do these things. Or if you do have a strong desire, you will feel in complete control over when and how to do it.

Do you feel in complete control over your desire to masturbate? Do you feel in complete control over your sexual desire? Is your sexual desire a match to your ability to satisfy those desires?

When you express the identity you prefer and live that life, you will achieve a state so full of energy, positive thoughts and emotions and love. The things you crave now will still be there, just being occasional perks on top of your amazing inner state. Some of those desires will still be there and some of those won’t.

You will discover much of your current desires were just fueled by and fuel for the addiction to PMO, and not really yours.

I eat pizza and cakes. And I do kinky sexual stuff too. But now I don’t actively search for fatty foods and kinky porn to PMO.

My point is that you will connect differently, perhaps very differently, to some things you crave now. Once you are calmer and focused on a life you really enjoy, you will probably drop much of those cravings, and that’s ok! 🙂

As a quick exercise, stop now, close your eyes and visualize how you like your life to be. Typically you will need more meditation sessions to better understand the thoughts and feelings of that new version of yourself. But just visualize for 10 to 20 minutes now and you’ll grasp it more intuitively.

A more personal advice from me to you

In the previous sections of this article, I was showing you what I truly think works best, but I didn’t want to influence your decisions about what to do specifically.

But now that you kept reading 🙂 I will share with you my personal opinion on what to choose. This is a post on the best technique to overcome PIED and PMO addiction, not on how to live your life. Remember, you ultimately choose. I just want to tell you what’s available for you on the other side. 🙂

If you want the best, go for love.

I know it can sound cheesy or repetitive. But I mean it, man. I’m not telling you “get a good girlfriend” or “a wife and kids is the best”. That is for you to choose. I’m not talking about soul mates either.

What I mean is this: the more you focus on positive habits and a positive life, you will experience more energy, high consciousness and love within –from yourself to others. I’m also not talking about a constant worry if you still don’t find that person. You should grow to be great –GREAT!– and feeling complete on your own. You shouldn’t project your happiness on  convincing another person to be with you. But again, the more you focus on improving yourself and being happy with yourself, the more people will actually want to be with you. Maybe even a woman who will blow your mind and soul with an overwhelming feeling of love. You can get to feel it as a very, very pleasant and real energy rushing through your body, for example through your chest or bursting from your stomach, feeling so good that something as silly as PMO will seem like a distant memory.

Once you get a glimpse of that, you will get it. You will scream: “ahh, that was it!!” of happiness!

energy being love

In the meantime, just improve yourself to prepare for that, by constantly choosing to turn your attention to the things you prefer. 🙂

But again, that’s my opinion. 😉

Conclusion

If you really, REALLY, want to quit porn and get healthy erections to real women again, you’ll do anything to help you achieve that goal.

Luckily, you don’t have to do anything weird or drastic.

But you have to really decide and be determined. So determined it doesn’t even cause you stress. Revel in your own feeling of self-control.

You’re done. Porn addiction is over.

And from that calmed state of being, focus on the things you really like. The things you prefer. The things that make you feel relief, be who you like to be, enjoy life and be enthusiastic.

Don’t postpone doing the things you want. Use them as a catalyst to place your attention on a good-feeling, rewarding place and away from PMO. You will find the balance you want. 🙂

That was a summary of the overall idea. Now, if this article resonates with you, it is time to go back up again and actually apply all of the steps and details. You’ll love every step of it! 🙂

So… I hope this article helps you in living the life you want away from a crappy PMO-addiction.

This approach has helped me the most. I took extra effort to communicate exactly how I did it so it can help you too. Let me know if it does!

Truly wish you the best 🙂 🙏

If you really struggle with interacting with women you like at all, I know how you're feeling, because around 10 years ago I was the same. I wrote a step-by-step guide to take you from absolute zero, nervous and anxious, to being free with women. You can check it out here.